This past month a friend and I prepared a talk on "siblings without rivalry" for our local AP Parenting group. As we considered how to help families decrease the strife between children, we discovered we both had the same understanding. It wasn't so much how to respond to struggles, but instead being proactive. Creating the environment where love can grow and peace is the norm. It all begins with a vision of family life. If you grew up in a home where rivalry was the accepted, perhaps creating a new idea of family life seems difficult. Or maybe there are some habits that have grown and now they have to be weeded out. Is there a chance that new virtues can be grown without vices being weeded out?
Some of the things that seem to have resonated with the listeners are: I don't have to solve every conflict between my children. I don't have to be the bearer of justice. A parent can't treat all children equally...or should they. Instead parents should give to each child what that child is needing. (treat them uniquely). Each child is not just their behavior. They are a whole person.
So what was the vision I said was most important to our family?
I do want happy children who grow into happy, healthy adults....but more than that I want my children to grow into adults who care about other's happiness.
I also want them to remain friends with each other and know interdependence on each other. I feel independence is over rated.
I want them to have a spiritual life with the One true God.
I want them to love the world around them and find something new each day to be amazed with in God's creation.
