hospitality in the home

Pondering this quote from Henri Nouwen ...taken from the book The Friendship Factor by McGinnis

"It may sound strange to speak of the relationship between parents and children in terms of hospitality. But it belongs to the center of the Christian message that children are not properties to own and rule over, but gifts to cherish and care for. Our children are our most important guests, who enter into our home, ask for careful attention, stay for awhile and then leave to follow their own way. "

When you are my guest in this home, I pick up after you. I try to make sure you are well fed and not thirsty. I make your every need my first thought. I want to try and live this may more with the people in my home-especialy my children. If I try to see Christ living in each person in this household, would it be easier for me to be kind? to go out of my way? I wonder how I might show hospitality today to those I live with....

Living Benedictine Spirituality in our Domestic Monastery part 1

Many years ago I read post about specific comparisons to domestic life and the monastery.  I continue to consider if God would have been pleased if I had chosen a different path...I wish for silence, when in reality I've been given a very noisy household.  I dream about order and God blessed me with family chaos.

Our School Motto of the year on a wall in the dining room.

But it's the similarities, not the extreme differences, that make me smile.  I wouldn't try to change where I am...  I simply embrace the differences to ground me in the joy of here.

I've got my "monastery bells" in the night bringing me back to the desperation of prayer.  The voices of darlings that might ring less on tune.  Those are the times when I gasp to pray the psalms, but I instead get to cling to something more simple.

"God help me, I was just up one hour ago."

There is no longer anything I own.  It's all become part of this domestic communities possessions.  I'm learning that things are temporary, but people are eternal.  I can't be partial to my favorite material stuffs.

"Just why has my favorite eyeliner been used to draw on the walls of the bathroom?"

There isn't a room in the house that isn't occupied by another.  I share my space constantly.

"Please close the door to the bathroom while mom is taking a shower!"

Decisions are no longer mine to make.  It takes scheduling creativity to make sure each persons needs are seen as important when there are eight of us.

Ding, dong.

"Mom, there's a man at the door to see you."

(slump.  I've got a houseful of women and daughters here to talk about a girls book...and I also scheduled the insurance man to come?  fumble.  fhume.  slump.)

But in all reality there is much from the Benedictine Rule that we can apply to our lives, our domestic church.

Have you read THE RULE?  It's something you can read a little of each day, year after year.  Although written for monks, it has so much that fits into the domestic life.

I read books about bringing some of the basics of Benedictine Rule into our family life often.  Lots of people have written their impressions of how to bring the Rule into the home.

Have you seen The Family Cloister by Robinson?  I've been reading this book slowly for about 10 years.  There are suggestions for family meetings that I have still yet to try with our family.

When I began reading this book, I had two children under 4.  Less of the book had deep application then, but instead created a great foundation of philosophy of family life together.

The author is a protestant pastor who has spent time in Benedictine Monasteries around the USA including Gethsemani Abbey in Kentucky.  (me too!)  Now that I have one teenager and another quickly approaching, we apply more and more.

So what do we try to apply in this house?

A rule of prayer.  No, we don't rise at 3am to sing in the morning.  But we pray together in the morning and in the night.  Each family member is given "Prayer time with Jesus" as part of their school work.  We have a small room at the top of our stairs in which students take their individual quiet prayer time each day as part of their school work.  It's a room full of icons, bibles, prayer books and holy cards. This site is also where we gather at night to share prayer as a family.  It's quite cozy when all 8 of us squish in there.

Hospitality.  Our home is open to many, often.  We host persons for meals on a weekly basis.  We host neighbors and friends weekly in unplanned gatherings.  We are also working to be more hospitable to those that live in this house!   We can become lax at times in going the extra miles for those we live with.  (Do I always rise in the night with a smile when someone calls for a drink of water?)  I often think of Hebrews 13:2 "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it."   We don't get many strangers around our dinner table.  (I believe the time for that has passed.) But I DO see many people in a day when outside of this house that we can give a smile or a kind word to.  This is the kind of hospitality we can give to strangers.

Obedience. I may have thought that I'd do things my own way once I was grown up.  But there is always some kind of authority that I choose to obey.  Obedience thought processes have been in this house for years.  I tend to refer back to those verses from Ephesians when considering how to respond. The verses that make me think I would never be asked to do something unreasonable. I try to keep this in mind when I ask things of those under my authority in this monastery.


more to come...

Hospitality

As I looked towards this new Year of Faith from October 2012 through November 2013, I wanted to create some memories for my family. In our family we discussed different options to no avail. Then my husband suggested we focus on what we already do and give it an extra emphasis.  We found inspiration in a command from Romans 12:13: Contribute to the needs of the saints; practice hospitality.

Keep reading here...

Welcoming Guests

car c'est en donnant qu'on reçoit  

What a mystery to open your home to a guest.  It's like opening a present.  You are never quite sure what to expect.  
I grew up in a home that welcomed guests.  My parents still continue this tradition of hospitality.  Early in our marriage we began the habit of having guests.  Often.  

Perhaps the Letter to the Hebrews has been an encouragement.  A command.

Hebrews 12:2 Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. 3 Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

It doesn't always mean hosting for over night.  Sometimes it is offering a meal.  Sometimes tea and cookies.  A letter in the mail.  A letter to their prison cell.  A hug to the one suffering under a burden unspoken.

This past month we hosted a visitor from France.  Before she came, she was a stranger.  But now she's become a dear family friend.  It was perhaps more delightful for us than for her.  We learned all sorts of French knowledge and context.  Our lives were broadened.  And we gave up some of our natural selfish nature.  

It was a growth in our understanding of Charlotte Mason's "Science of Relations".   From the youngest to the oldest.  And even extending to our family who lives outside this house. Sometimes when we host a guest it's more trial than cheer.  And we are all the better for the practice.  

This recent extended visit of three weeks was delightful.  There were wet eyes all around when she left.  The parting of friendship.

We claim to grasp a sliver of the mystery of Abraham's hosting three visitors.  
Of the desire for the Divinity within the context of our humanity.  

We recognize the feeling of communion with others and our desire of more of this mirror of the Trinity here on earth.  When loss occurs or separation for a time, we hurt.  

Oh to consider the great hospitality of our Lord in heaven!  One day that communion with Him and others will be complete and unending.  Until that time, we will continue to host guests.  And open our hearts to knowing them.  

Have you seen this program of welcoming visitors?  I think it fits in nicely with a Charlotte Mason education.  

Eira How

More than four years ago we moved to a "new house" in a more rural area.  It was less than 3 miles from our 1868 house in the village.

But a new house to us.  A very modern 1950's style house.  The most modern house we've owned in our marriage.

We've been practicing hospitality, both to those who live in the home and those who live outside, for many years.  I have written about this dear to my heart topic before...
The past four years we have kicked around names for this place.  What would embody what we hope for here?  What name could evoke the heart of what this place means?

Our home is simple.  We use three bedrooms of the four for our own sleeping quarters. My children say we are minimalistic.  (I feel as though we have too many toys, but not enough books!)  We are not minimalists.

We welcome many people.  We do not go a week without a guest in our home.  We welcome strangers and friends.  And we hope the strangers can call us friends when they leave.

The midwest is typically considered a very flat area.  But for some reason the road on which we live is the hill-i-est around.  We have often called it the roller coaster road!  It's a natural phenomenon.  Our house sits on the top of one of the many hills around. We can see the tops of the other hills when we look down our road, but we cannot see the valleys.

So here's the "big" reveal.  We finally have a name for this place.

We've kept an icon over our kitchen table area for the past 10 years at least.  It's the visitation of the three guests to Abraham.    Sometimes it's called the Trinity Icon or the Hospitality of Abraham.  It's probably the most famous Russian icon.  It was written (as icons are not painted) by Andrei Rublev in 1440.  I hope one day to travel to Moscow to visit it.  For now, we just sit in it's gaze while we share our own table with guests from far and near.

Our copy of the icon is from Romania.  My parents were traveling there many years ago and we requested they bring a copy of this back for us.  They found it in an Orthodox gift shop/church.  It reminds us of our friends who live there and those that have suffered greatly in the Eastern church for their faith.

My family roots are in England and Sweden so I've been doing a little dive into Norse language roots.  We often talk about how our home is where we learn to show mercy.  It's in giving mercy that we receive mercy.  I wanted to know what norse words might reflect our mission of giving mercy in and out of the home with our place of hill.  Here is what I came up with!

Eira How.  Eira (ear-rah) meaning Mercy and How meaning Hill.


This past month Embroidery was our focus so I chose to make mine for our home with our name.
I tend to have the most productive handwork time while my husband is driving!

And now my embroidery hangs in our dining room.  In a simple frame.

Do you have a special name for your homestead/house?  Does it reflect the values you have for your home/family?

Small steps add up to a whole year

We spent more time doing school this week.  

 We've got quite a rhythm going.  Little girl is finding things to fill her "school cup".

Learning her letters too.  

We spent some time wondering about nature.  This New England Aster has grown to over 8 feet and is in full bloom now.  The Monarchs and Bees are attracted to it.  

 Several years ago we were gifted with this cactus by a horticulturist at the local Botanical Garden.  This is the first year it bloomed.  (we did something right?)  It was a short lived bloom life, but amazing!

I saw on the blog sphere someone was using nature to play tic-tac-toe.  The kids really enjoyed collecting the buckeyes to use.  

We've had an extra student in our homeschool this week.  Yes, a nun!  What little we have been able to help her in her study of the English language has been reciprocated ten fold in her wonder of the liturgy.  We are grateful for the opportunity to practice hospitality!

Hospitality

All GUESTS ARE TO BE RECEIVED AS CHRIST.

This is a photo of the guest house at Mt. Angel Abbey outside of Portland, Oregon.  

I've been contemplating this quote from the rule for months.  10 months to be exact.  

How to we welcome others into our home?  

Do they feel as if I see them as Christ in their soul?  

And who are my guests?  

My daily guests in my home are my children.  My husband.  My Father-in-law who lives with us. 

And those guests that come and go.  

My parents.  My mother-in-law and her recently deceased husband.  It's my brother-in-laws and their partners.  My sister and her family.  

Those guests that come once.  

Those that come every week to take a violin lesson from my daughter.  Or to play with my children.

Do they leave this home feeling like I stopped my daily life and gave them attention?  

Do they feel as if they were cared for as if they were Christ?  

Oh, that on my judgement day, it will be said "Well done, my faithful servant".  

"You reached to the least and welcomed them in."  

"You entertained angels unaware".

(Would you please visit me so that I can treat you as Christ?)

A Year of Consecrated Life

So we have celebrated the Year of the Priest, the Year of Faith, and now we have a fun year ahead.  

What will we do?  How will we celebrate?  

We went on a tour of a local monastery/convent.  It was fun to see the library and museum which are not regular haunts of ours when we visit for a Mass or to cheer an infirmed sister.  

There is a local monastery which we visit monthly and sometimes weekly.  I think we might travel to visit a community a little farther away.  (Visiting monasteries is not new for us!)

But I think our highlight of this year will be our visitors.  As in the year of the priest and are continued practice of Benedictine hospitality, we will have a consecrated visitor each month (or maybe more!)

For February we hosted two consecrated priests who are part of the Rosmini Order.  One of the priests has been monumental in our married life.  I met with him for years for Spiritual Direction.  He was pivotal in helping me make my way to RCIA and continues to answer questions for me.  He's been a model and guide for both my husband and me.  The other priest gives us a lovely look at suffering.  He was diagnosed with Parkinson's soon after his ordination.  It has been a quick moving disease.  The children and I love to host him.  His joyfulness shows through his eyes.  It saddens the children to see the progression of the disease, but it also gives them such a relationship with the disease to see it in real life in someone the care about.  It helps us to know to pray for him everyday too.

  

There are some consecrated to God that we cannot host in our homes.  We are planning some gift baskets to be taken in the coming weeks.  We are also writing letters to those we can't visit.  

So what are you doing to intentionally live the year of consecrated life?