This book has been worth the trouble to find! Whew!
Children who are not yet peaceful by Donna Goertz.
I especially have enjoyed the chapter in which she talks about transparent child abuse.
Quote from the book" In this extreme situation, adults lose the ability to recognize children's basic need to the point that they can no longer provide adequately for them. A child living in an inappropriate, repressive and/or chaotic environment can almost be expected to exhibit inappropriate behavior of some kind, be it overtly aggressive or cleverly manipulative." The parents do not see the children's needs because they are too needy and self-absorbed themselves. This parent repeats the abuse regularly and wonders why he has a high maintenance child. This may also be the family that is so busy with well ideal-ed plans, but makes for a tired and cranky child.
So how to avoid transparent child abuse? Ten tips:
1. prepare every room of your home so your child can participate fully in family life.
2. differentiate carefully between age appropriate and age-inappropriate participation in family life. Let your child decide how to spend his two hours of screen time (ie tv, videos and computer time combined) weekly from selections you have prepared in advance.
3. include the child in plans (grocery planning, grocery shopping, cooking, etc.)
4. organize family life to fit the needs of your child's age and personality.
5. welcome all feelings and help your child to express strong emotions with clarity and respect.
6. explaining carefully what's going on in the family, while staying on an age-appropriate level in keeping with your child's understanding and interest.
7. Maintain cycles of activity in balance with basic needs for nutrition, sleep, exercise, quiet concentration, solitude and companionship that fit your child's temperament.
8. Participate 3(!!!) times a day with your child straightening his room and bath and putting away this toys, materials, and games.
9. treat your child's behavior as "in process" and developmental, never simply as good or bad.
10. Balance firmness and consistency with a generous measure of hopefulness, good cheer, and joy. Laugh a lot. Tell wonderful little stories of your child's life, often.
I will have consider this list more...but I think there are a few things we need to implement in our family life. to be continued....