So here's my latest take of this book. (I think Susan Wise Bauer says you need to read a book three times to get all the info? What does Jim Trelease say? 100 times!)
Emotional literacy what is it? The ability to read and understand our own emotions and those of others. This is built by being able to identify and name our own emotions first and secondly to recognize the emotional context of voice and facial expression in others. Whew. Dr. Thompson recommends that we talk to our boys about their emotions as much as we talk to our girls. He says that harsh discipline (physical or emotional) will not help a boy become emotionally literate.
Quote from Hillel (Jewish philosopher?) "a person too anxious about being shamed cannot learn" Boys contain activity and impulsivity and its very contagious. This makes me think that Waldorf type learning could be the best for mutiple boys in a family! Good discipline contains a boy and his energy to encourage self control and improved moral behavior according to Thompson. Real work (chopping wood, mowing the lawn, etc) is what children need to use their energy for good rather than violence. He says a father-son relationship needs to watch three things:control, competition and withdrawl. A father needs to not control too much, not compete with his son and not withdrawl from him when the son exherts his independence. A mother-son relationship is important too. It is synchronous in other words the balance of a boy leaving his mother without losing her completely and returning to her without losing himeslf. A mother must not see indepenendcce as rejection.
"the more confident a son is of his strength, the easier it is for him to acknowledge his dependence."
Mothers help the transition through adolesence best by connection with sons by direct converstaion about issues, reiterating moral values, and simple expressions of caring.
Here were the foundations that he ended the book with:
1. give boys persmission to have an internal life
2. recognize and accept the high level of activity of boys and give them safe places to express it
3. talk to boys in their language
4. teach boys that emotianal courage IS courage...courage and empathy are sources of real strength in life
5. use discipline to build charater and conscience not enemies
6. model manhood of emotional attachement (only a father can do this correctly)
7 teach boys there are many ways to show manhood
I wonder if you can catch me trying to do these things in the next three years....then I will be ready to read the book again.
pbs special last year about the author