Tea time and essential oils musing

What's your favorite tea for tea time?  My kids like a cinnamon variety.  My close friend loves a pear black tea.  I have found that Earl Grey suits my needs.  Does that mean that I'm British?  I'm snobish?  And of course scones are very important. 

Today as my son was working on scones for the 4-H fair he wanted to add Earl Grey tea to his menu. (Thank you dear son.) I hurried down the rabbit trail looking up who was the Earl?  What is in Earl Grey tea?  What makes Earl Grey called it's name?  I really was full of wonder.

And what did I find?  CONNECTIONS!  I keep an essential oil next to my bed.  It's my favorite scent and I use it all sorts of times.  I wear it to bed.  I put it on in the morning.  I often use it to cover up other smells of the farm life....sigh.  It's the essential oil called Bergamont. 

Did you know Earl Grey tea has bergamont in it?  I didn't until today! 

Listen to this!

The Earl Grey blend, or "Earl Grey's Mixture", is assumed to be named after Charles Grey, 2nd Earl Grey, British Prime Minister in the 1830s and author of the Reform Bill of 1832. He reputedly received a gift, probably a diplomatic perquisite, of tea flavoured with bergamot oil.

According to one legend, a grateful Chinese mandarin whose son was rescued from drowning by one of Lord Grey's men first presented the blend to the Earl in 1803. The tale appears to be apocryphal, as Lord Grey never set foot in China and the use of bergamot oil to scent tea was then unknown in China. However, this tale is subsequently told (and slightly corrected) on the Twinings website, as "having been presented by an envoy on his return from China".

Okay Wiki.  I'll play.  I'd love to think that Charles Grey rescued someone and then found bergamont oil in China.  

But where is bergamont from?  Looks like Italy and Greece.  So perhaps Lord Grey was visiting the Santa Maria Novella church and saw the Fresco while drinking his own blend of tea?  Hmmm.  

Okay now I'm really dreaming! And then I looked up what Bergamont essential oil is supposed to be used for (because I probably bought it initally for some important reason!)   

Did you know it can help with depression?  It can decrease stress levels when they are high. It purifies and cleanses the skin.  It really is a wonder!

So that's it.  I just have to drink Earl Grey tea.  Especially on high tension days.  With my scones.

Do you wonder about tea?

Evening Prayer and it's components

At a recent homeschool conference I shared my families practice of doing an evening examination of conscience.  I was explaining my understanding of dignity of personhood as shared by Charlotte Mason.

I specifically shared how I had cringed as a young mother when I observed another mother forcing her child to apologize for something they had done.  The child, in my opinion, didn't understand the pain he had caused another child.  His lashing out had been his way of communicating his own needs, not a conscious deviant behavior.  Would you agree that every behavior a person has is a way of communicating? Either communicating a need or a want. 

As I thought of how the mother responded and how the event became more tense, I saw the stress caused in the child and the rift between mother and child.  I wanted the child to feel loved not despised, respected and cared for instead of hindered in their growth. 

When we see squabbles between our children during the day, we might be tempted to force an apology right on the spot.  We might think that our involvement creates the habit of better behaviors for life.  But before an apology, the first step is to acknowledging that what we've chosen to do is wrong.  Time gives opportunity to apologize and to make adjustments for the next time we approach the same experience.  This might be an area in which a mother shows her "wise-passiveness" by not taking into her own hands the apology and the forgiveness on her own terms or own time.

Think with me about the last time you had a squabble with your spouse.  (I hope you did it in front of your children so that they could see both the conflict and the resolution!)  Did you find that in the exact moment that the argument finished you were ready to apologize?  Or had the frontal lobe of your brain began to expand and the heat of the moment wouldn't give you a release of calming hormones? (Look up the amygdala response for yourself!)

I suspect many times you have needed moments, days, or even more time to begin to understand the calamity of your choice.  Your partner may have needed to explain to you the severity of the pain you caused.  And then later, often much later, you pick up the pieces of the brokenness you caused and found the strength to apologize.

When we look at the first principle of Charlotte Mason and apply this to the giving and receiving forgiveness, shouldn't we be treating the child as a person?  How do we want to be treated when we wrong someone?  Do we want them to bring a list of all of their hurts?  Do we want them to go on explaining for paragraphs all the ways we have been wrong? 

I think of those in authority over me.  Specifically those government helpers.  There have been times that a police man has forced me to apologize in his way for speeding (time to pay a ticket mother!), but most interpersonal relationships have needed some time and were never forced apologies.  The forgiveness might have also taken some time to give and receive.  Even a child knows when the apology is not heartfelt, but just a duty.  I am much quicker to forgive when the apology comes from the depths of my contrite heart instead of an attitude of duty or shame of being caught.

I wanted to share with you the examination of conscience we do as a family during our family prayer and read aloud time in the evenings.  We tend to have a 20-30 minute time of dad reading aloud to us all and then a 10-15 time of family prayer.  We start our prayer time with lighting a specific candle decorated only for use at our prayer time.  The examination of conscience becomes a starting point on our shared prayer time.  You can find it here.  Our family follows this with Compline.  We use the Universalis website or the hand held Liturgy of the Hours.   You are welcome to use your own traditions or borrow ours!  (and don't forget to put out the candle!)

And you respect the personhood and dignity of each person in your household may your journey on this pilgrimage of life be full of blessings! 

Making Nature Observations a daily habit

This summer I gave an immersion at the Charlotte Mason Institute East conference at Asbury University in Wilmore, Kentucky.  I spent a few hours in the morning explaining the importance of having many hours out of doors with young children.  And tried to convey the need for observation skills beginning with the young.

It's ALL ABOUT observing.  It's not about the nature journal.

To learn about nature observation, you have to do it.  It's a habit.  It doesn't come naturally for the adult.  Perhaps we have unlearned our ability to observe nature.

Take any 2 year old on a walk and you will find every pebble along the way catches their attention.  And perhaps catches their attention so much that they are mesmerized.  It's the child's whole focus.  When we are hurried as a parent, we rob the child (and ourselves) the chance of good observation.  Of wonder.  Of being able to see with new eyes.

So how about you?  Are you modeling nature observation?

Maybe?

What does nature observation look like in the adult?  Just like what a child does.  Let a child teach you! Get slow.  Don't hurry.  Carve out a moment (10 minutes) to just be.  Be in nature and let nature be in touch with you.  Make this a habit.  DAILY.

Perhaps you want to bring focus to your observations?  Ask yourself what do you notice?  (or what do you notice new?)

Look up.  Look down.  Look closely.  Come close to what has caught your attention.  Now far away.  Step way back to get a bigger view.

Get in touch with your senses just like a child.  

What do you hear?  Can you hear anything close?  Far away?
What do you smell?  Get close enough to smell!  {Have you smelled the inside of a broken twig from a choke cherry?}
What do you feel?  Is the object of your observation smooth, rough, hot, cold, etc?
What do you taste?  Most things in nature can be tasted.  It's probably not wise to eat a whole mushroom unless you are knowledgable about mushrooms!  But so many things can be tasted in little bits.  {Have you tasted a dandelion leaf? How about a blade of grass?}

Let your mind wander with these observations.  Does your mind find past memories that link to these new observations you have?  Where does your mind take you?  Do you find yourself in the past?  Have you remembered a place you visited before in which this same specimen was present?

What do you notice?
What do you wonder about?  
What does it remind you of?

When you have spent plenty of time making observations, then, and only then, take your nature notebook out of your bag. If you are a talker, you might wish to share in a narrative style by oral transmission to those you know everything you saw today.  This can give you a starting point of what you will record.  If you are someone who needs to work on your composition, then you definitely should give yourself another 10-20 minutes to write down all you saw/felt/tasted in your nature journal.  Try to narrate in a way that will bring you back to this moment of time.  Collect all of your observations into a essay of sorts.

 If needed, add some dry brushing to illustrate your narrative.

These wondering questions are inspired by John Muir Laws.  Enjoy these prompt question bookmarks I made for use in our nature journals.  And please share your successes with me!  I love to hear about moms (and kids) that are enjoying the natural world that God gave us!

Managing a 'large' household Part 3

I want to say again that I'm a work in progress as we have to adjust every term to find the best set up for where everyone has most of their needs met.  This term I have one daughter taking a college composition course two mornings a week (so she is missing some of our morning time), I have another daughter that is taking an art class at the local highschool every other afternoon.  These options might not always work for us, but we are giving them a try!
I am currently teaching/learning with one senior in highschool, one freshman, one 7th grader, one 4th grader and one 1st grader.  Also a 4 year old tag along is teaching me.

Here are some questions people have asked me:
How many hours per day do you devote to homeschooling?
I spend from 8-1130am doing school with the kids.  We usually have 8-915 as group time. I do have one child who gets up at 5:30 everyday.  I've "trained" him to start the coffee and bring me a cup.(The water and coffee are prepped the night before)  After I have done my morning prayers, he and I will do his school work from 6:00-7:00 before we wake up the other kids.  (This is my 1st grader--he is such a morning person!)  I'm trying to meet him where his needs are.

Are you able to finish by lunchtime? I personally finish by lunch time mostly....My older kids usually have some individual work to finish up (7th grade and up).  I have worked our "acts of service" towards each other to include each child making a lunch once a week.  This allows me to work with some individual kids right up to lunch time rather than stopping to make lunch each day.  Sometimes my older kids need more support in the afternoon on their individual works or they need to orally narrate to me.  My youngest kids just don't retain anything if we try to do work in the afternoon.  I also have less strength to read aloud in the afternoon...perhaps because I am more mentally tired?  Perhaps it's my attitude?  Am I getting older?

How do you divide your days? This year I committed to doing nothing outside of the house before 1pm.  In the past I have been part of bible studies one morning a week.  As I re-evaluated last summer, I saw that I needed to have a singular focus each morning.  
We do group work every morning.  The youngest two might need to step away when things are more than they can handle.  I call it "getting off the bus".  They are expected to have quiet calm activities on the main level of the house while I am reading aloud or they can 'get off the bus' and play loudly in the basement or outside.  When the weather is warm enough, we move to the back porch outside for this morning time.  This time for us currently includes Bible reading, Saint study/biography, Plutarch, Composer Study, Picture Study, Poetry, History of Literature, Architecture, Shakespeare, Hymn, Folk Song, Patriotic Song, Sloyd, Solfa, Swedish Drill and a epic poem.  We do not do all of these on one day!  These are spread out over a week.  Some are one day a week, some are twice.  

You gave us a glimpse of some subjects you do together in the mornings, and you mentioned that you do a nature walk before lunch. Could you share any more of what is working for you? I combined many of my Form 2 and 3 books into one book read.  I have a slow reader in 4th grade and a great reader in 7th grade.  I combined my Math drills and warm ups for my 7th grader who is a whiz with my 9th grader who needs support.  I only do a daily nature walk with my youngest three.  The others have scheduled nature walk time they do on their own.  We have a ramble together once a week and it's in the afternoon and takes up a few hours.  There are some times we need to move the ramble to a Sunday and then we include daddy!  I have scheduled a walk while one child is making lunch.  This allows us to arrive to the lunch table very hungry!  I don't have much trouble getting my littles to eat well.  

What do you save for afternoons and evenings?   Tea time!  Poetry recitations-either read or memorized.  We have some days that our morning is interrupted and I might have to do some of our morning time after lunch.  It's important for me to make our house open to others.  There are times that a neighbor stops by or we have an animal need...so we try to be flexible and not rigid.  The atmosphere needs to be light and joyful even in our drive to have a feast of learning.  
I also like to have some open time for discussions.  Right now I have two boys that get up early and stay up later than I would like due to older siblings.  This actually works to my benefit in that I get to read some quiet time read alouds with them both around 2pm and they both usually take a nap!  I wake them again by 4 at the latest.  I can use this time to work on lesson plans for the coming days, read a book (FOR MYSELF!), or work with an older child who needs extra support.  I didn't think I would be able to get a 6 year old to take a nap, but he does when he knows I am in there with him.  

I have slowly helped my children learn how to make dinner too.  So four nights a week they also make the dinner for our family.  I worked alongside them for many weeks, then was available for help, and now they are on their own.  It seems to be a huge developmental change around age 10/11 in which a child can do more in the kitchen if they have been introduced at a young age.  

My husband reads a biography in the evenings for everyone to enjoy.  This happens about 5 times a week.  I have been very careful about what things we do in the evening.  I have to take into account my introverted husband who works in an extroverted job all day.  We have one night a week as a family in which we volunteer our time.  Another night per week my older girls play in a youth symphony.  That leaves us four nights during the week to have family meals and prayer time together plus our weekends that are mainly home.  If I have meetings outside the home, I try to be part of dinner before I leave. 

Our afternoons vary, but I really try to be home.  I let the younger kids find their interests.  My 4 year old loves electricity kits and snap circuits, handicrafts like needle point and latch hook, etc.  My children are in 4H and some afternoons are spent working on projects for the Fair.  We have one afternoon of music lessons.  I have limited my time outside the home for shopping and errands as much as possible.  

This works for us for now.  It may not work for others.    It's really about seeing the developmental needs and learning styles of each child and balancing it against the goals you have set for your family.  
 

Managing a 'large' household part 2

Attitude
I think attitude has the biggest impact on parenting and managing a large household.  When children seem like otters all slithering away in opposite directions, it's good to have a joyful heart.  10 years ago I read a book called Be Happy Without Being Perfect by Alice Domar.  I found my notes this week in my book journal (another great habit to keep!!  Reading and journaling!)

Here are some things I needed to be reminded of today!  Perfectionism causes insomnia, GI symptoms, stress and anxiety.  Behavioral modeling plays an HUGE part in helping perfectionist be born and made.  If a perfectionist can have things look good, everything must be good.  People that look like they have it all together may actually be in the worst place.  The key is giving up control-after all you didn't have it in the first place.  :)

Mindfulness is key in being present in the NOW.  It's the most anti-perfectionist.  Allow yourself to have other people fulfill some of your needs.
Ask for what you need.
Converse, don't fight.
Retrain your brain.
Realize that you don't always see the world as it is, but as you are....so don't let your cognitive distortions blow others comments out of proportion.

Ask yourself "What does it take for me to thrive"?  So many times mothers just find a way to survive.  Those years of homeschooling limit our ability to do self care.  But what if we were able to THRIVE?  Wouldn't that mean being a whole person when our kids fly from this nest?  What if we were able to be a whole (and holy) person now while the world we are in remains topsy turvy?

Support
Book groups have been a great help for me over the years. I currently am in four different book groups:  Three different Charlotte Mason volumes books (one online and two in real life) and one classics book group.  I find the interaction with other women around books to be stimulating and encouraging.  I also read books with a friend who lives across the U.S.  We bounce a title off of each other and try to read along in unison as our lives are similar.  Even if we don't discuss the books we've read right away, we have great discussions when we get back together.

Understanding
I try to spend some time observing each one of my children each quarter.  Really observing them for a whole day.  How to I catch them spending their free time?  How are they moving through their day?  Are they hurried?  Are they distracted?  Are they happy?  Discover your child's current learning style by Willis and Hudson was eye opening for me.  It encouraged me to not get stuck in thinking that your child has only one learning style and that they won't change.  We don't expect infants and toddlers to develop at the same rate or do things exactly in the same way, so why do we transport all our vital, lively, distinctly different children to uniform environments to teach them all in one way and expect them to progress at the same pace and call them below average if they don't?  Giving a look at each of my children and letting the Holy Spirit guide me in the decisions towards better learning for them has gotten us through many tough large family times.

Open
Let your children take part in their long term plans.  Consider a meeting with your 7th grade to make broad six year goals.  See the challenges in your child's life as goals rather than problems.  If you only have young children, let them make plans for your free days.  Giving long term looks can help them see that their life is an open book and you are here to help them achieve their dreams.

Responding
Be a responsive parent.  Be one that listens to and acknowledges feelings, needs and points of view.  This is treating them like a person.  Charlotte Mason used this as her first principle.  When you want your child to listen to you, spend some time listening to your child!   Model what you want from them.  Reactive parents use threats, comparisons, labels, blames and punishments.  Reactive parents have emotions get in the way of seeing their children as persons.

"Every hour, every day parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which more than anything else, future character and conduct depend."  Charlotte Mason


Still more to come...

Managing a 'large' household part 1

How do I do it?
Only by the grace of God.  and coffee and a little wine.  (less whine please).

I'm doing my beginning of the year reflections still.  Tweaking what hasn't worked for us this year and considering what I have let fall by the wayside.

When there is the squeeze of multiple developmental ages and needs, how does a homeschooling mother do it?

Are you familiar with the instructions given when you ride on an airplane?  "Please put on your own mask BEFORE you help someone else."  I think this applies very clearly to mothering, to homeschooling.

It's very hard to parent, to homeschool when you can't breathe.  When you are physically or intellectually starving, how can you be the best of yourself to provide for your family?

I can't.  I hinder the Holy Spirits work in all of our lives when I am at my least best.

So first I try to remember my self care.  Self-care of the whole person.

How is my prayer life?  How is my personal life?  How are my interactions with others who make me feel whole?  What kinds of stimulation outside of the house are lifegiving?  Do I see myself as one struggling to breathe for the fast paced life I think we need to live?  What kind of silence do I offer for myself and others?

Here are some of the things that help me to be the best of myself.

I wake early.  5:30 to be exact.  (But only when I have disciplined my self to go to bed at a reasonable time every night)  I have a regular alarm set to remind me to wake up. I take a few minutes to offer the day to God.  And to force myself to think kindly of those that might have woken me in the night.  I find the goodness in this new day as a chance to refocus, to refill and to be open to the guiding of the Holy Spirit.  I ask for wisdom to be given that I might say things that are helpful to others.

I have a little quiet time to read the Bible and do a little spiritual reading.  I keep a book journal and allow myself time to write down a few quotes and reflections.  A basic spiral journal or notebook is plenty of space for me.

I learn to say no.  This is very hard for me.  I really enjoy helping other people.  In one week I might be helping a lady deliver a baby, making a meal for a neighbor who lost a loved one, sending a card to a lonely friend and facilitating chores for a neighbor who is out of town.  It's a busy hectic life!  Saying no opens up some time for silence and contemplation and thinking.  This is important for moms (and you will see how important for kids, too).

If you are always running and moving, how can you evaluate if what you are doing is life giving?  Are you so busy that you are hiding from some things that need to be thought through?  Are you filling up your time so you don't have to process something that is really bothering you?

I make sure to have some kind of date time with my husband.  We have to be very creative about this.  Sometimes I join him on his business dinners and then we stop somewhere for coffee or drinks afterward.  Last week he gave a talk.  I went along for moral support and then we went grocery shopping on the way back home.  We have put a movie on for the kids and went into another room for our own sharing or movie time.  We laugh that we go to a movie out of the house for our anniversary once a year.  We missed it last month, but we are both okay with that!  Movies at the theater will happen again one day, but they are not part of this season of life.

I take a time away each month.  There is a monastery close to me.  I find that just four hours once a month is perfect to bring clarity.  Sort of like a date with Jesus and myself.  It's not unreasonable to have a date night with my husband, why shouldn't I have a date afternoon with Jesus?  I come home so refreshed!

I plan a weekly menu.  Last fall I planned one week of meals and we ate the same thing every monday night for four weeks.  This continued every day of the week that we were home.  Every Tuesday we had tacos.  We found that we got bored with the same foods, but by the end of the month my children each had a recipe that they could cook very well.  Besides having a menu plan, I have a cook plan.  Over the years I have embraced children in the kitchen.  It makes the inital teaching of cooking everything exponentially slower!  But in the end it means I have worked myself out of a job.  Tonight as I type this my 12 year old son is making Beef Stroganoff and my 6 year old son is helping him.   (more on habits of teaching the skills of cooking and cleaning at another post!)

Physical self care.  I was that mother that felt like it was wrong to go out and get a pedicure or a haircut...but no more.  It's really important for me to feel great and in turn I treat others great.  Last month I took time to get a massage. This month a haircut.  I like to take walks in every kind of weather.  Hikes near the creek, walks down the lane near our house.  Get me out of the house please and getting some basic Vitamin N (Nature).

Those are some of the things I do to manage a large household.  What do you do?

What is leisure?

"Miss Mason is of opinion that the constant society of his parents is too stimulating for a child. A young child needs frequent intervals, totally devoid of excitement to brain or nerves—intervals for a free stretching of every limb of his nature, for self-directed play, for mere gazing into space in animal tranquility and perhaps in mental rumination.


The Parents' Union believes that all children, boys as well as girls, should have a share of the very real happiness which comes from the exercise of the spiritualized strength we call skill. It sees, moreover, how extremely desirable it is that children should be educated in doing of common things well. Swimming and singing and knitting, cooking and cutting out and the knack of playing games—only the woman who is without these advantages perceives what advantages they are. But here, the Parents' Union would insert a warning note as follows.


In the temptation to arrange for the children's learning such desirable things as basket work, clay-modelling, and Sloyd (which, through the medium of lectures, etc., we come to desire for our children), we must be sure that we look upon these as Child's Work and not as Child's Play.

The Parents' Union urges us to respect the child's leisure and his growing time. What it really wants in connection with these matters is to see formed a public opinion of parents strong enough gradually to obtain this manual training of which I have spoken from the schools—as features, that is, in the ordinary school course. Real work is not over-work, and should never become so, and the Union would emphatically impress on parents the duty of securing leisure for their children and respecting that leisure themselves in the home."  P.N.E.U. Volume 12, 1901, pgs. 701-710

I was challenged this week to reconsider how much time my children have to do their own time of learning and processing.  I think in the current American culture leisure is going to a movie or watching a show.  I'm positive that is not what Charlotte meant!  It's a challenge  to find a way to give space for leisure for my children every day.  How very much different our world is in 2016 as it was in 1901!

I wonder if by always giving a children a life of stimulation does it set them up to become an aggravated adult?  Do they grow up to think they always need to be entertained?  Always stimulated from outside themselves?  Do they believe that each moment should be organized and planned for them?  What might happen if there was time built in to 'gaze into space' ?  I wonder what might happen if mothers were able to build into their days leisure for themselves?  

But what kind of leisure is available in modern society?  Simply sitting on the front porch or back deck is gone from much normal society.  Should scrolling social media be considered leisure?  I think not.  Does it provide the same kind of rumination of the mind as what Charlotte might have hoped? No.  I'm afraid it causes much anxiety (not tranquility) in some persons.  Would drawing or coloring be leisure for the modern American?  Perhaps this is the one new trend that is considered leisure.  

I'm pondering this question that my mind has posed before itself.  How can I add more leisure 'devoid of excitement to the brain or nerves' to my life and that of my children?  

Growing habits Part 2

This is a continuation of a look back at a talk I gave in July at LER-the Living Education Retreat in Minnesota.

As parents and educators it’s our job to secure that children have habits in ways of: 

ORDER

PROPRIETY 

and VIRTUE.  

So let’s look at these three:

Order.  This is the basics from picking up their toys at an early age to running household as an adult.  This is thinking through steps they make to complete a process and to put it together in a timely fashion.  For the youngest of learners, it means making the steps simple.  Asking only one thing at a time.  As they mature, it's asking them to complete complex tasks and allowing them to formulate the steps.  It's talking through the steps the first time.  It's our job to walk beside them.  It's our job to step back and be present quietly.  It's our responsibility to keep silent while they discern their way.

PROPRIETY is the behavior and morals that are acccepted conventionally.  This would include learning to not pick their nose as a young person and also speaking to a stranger about their life and occupation.  It's modeling how to speak to strangers as well as explaining how to not be worried about those they don't know.  It's about accepting difference in opinion and social status.  It's welcoming strangers into your life as well as seeking ways to grow in mercy.

VIRTUE are the Christian morals we teach.  Honesty, Justice, Fortitude. Again, modeling is much of how we teach virtues and root out vice.  From the way to apologize quickly for our faults and evaluate our days each evening during our examine of conscience, to the simple words we say about others, this is how we teach without using "words".   

We see that habits when considering the mental physiology of habit are a mental physical activity connection.  

Think with me about the first time you drove to a new store.  You listened to your GPS or followed directions for each stop and turn.  

Perhaps you appreciated the written directions or the oral directions, but it took your concentration for each stop of the way.  

The second time your drove to this location you perhaps needed less help.  You might have noticed some of the local landmarks and used them as your guide.  

When you drive to this same place on your 21st trip (or perhaps more), you will do it on auto pilot.  

On automatic.  

Have you had an experience, like me, where you are driving down the road and realize you didn’t think about any of the turns?  

Or have you planned to stop one more place on the way home, but here you are in your driveway without even thinking?  

This is the true when you take your 1st breath.  Now you don’t even consider it, you just breathe.  It doesn’t mean your brain doesn't work, it’s still sending a message to your muscles, but it’s become automatic for you.  

See how habits become normal ways of life for us?  

You've observed a child writing, right?  When a toddler holds a crayon for the first time, they consider their grasp.  The angle, the pressure required.  And we suggest better ways of holding the pencil for them.  We model it.  

The success of making a mark on the paper creates it's own reward for growing in the habit of writing. And soon the child begins to think less about how to hold the writing utensil and more about how to create the mark they want.  

Just a side note: Have you done any writing lately?  You might have noticed that your habit of writing remains, but the muscles have lost their strength and tone due to under use?  I highly recommend you find a common place book to continue your handwriting!  And please consider getting a pen pal.  A Charlotte Mason conference is the perfect place to find one!