In these interesting times of being at home and not able to get out to church, I thought it might be helpful for others to see how to conduct a Liturgy of Light in your home. This is similar to what happens in Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. The Easter Vigil in many churches includes introducing a new candle at the evening service. You can have your own home liturgy similar to that which happens in the Church.
You need to prepare a candle to use. Find a pillar candle that you can paint. Acrylic paints seem to be the best. Consider how you would like to paint it. The decorations need to be a cross. Also you need to include the year "2020" and the symbols for Alpha and Omega. Here are some pictures to see how we have done it in past years.
You can also look up #domesticeastercandle on Instagram for more photos.
And please share your photos with this hashtag!
The Liturgy is here. You can print a copy for each family member, or read from your phone or computer. Feel free to adapt to your needs! I wish you a very happy Easter Triduum.
NO SCREEN TIME
The Academy of Pediatrics has been saying for years that no screen time before age 2 is the best policy. That means no games on the iPads, no movies in the car, no handing your phone over to keep them quiet, nothing. Sounds hard, right?
Those early years are for learning fine and gross motor development. These early years are the ones to learn language, to understand relationship with mom and dad. A simple educational show might be acceptable at some times, but it's not necessary to watch something everyday. Please don't use the tv as a babysitter. Even my oldest children who passed their young years before smart phones existed survived their toddlerhood without an video to keep them quiet.
I think as parents we also have to be watchful of our own screen time. When I say no to my kids in watching a little show or letting them check email, I have to check my own behavior. Am I on Facebook? How often am I checking email? Are my texts distracting me from my most important work as a mother? Don't let the screen come between you and the relationship you are building with your child. (or your husband!)
We took a hint from some friends and chose to go without a tv for the first year of our marriage. Back then (only 20 years ago) there were no videos or streaming on our computer. We didn't watch any shows at all. We only used the computer to email! We spent our first year talking and investing in time together.
CLEAR BOUNDARIES
If you tell your child no or tell them you will follow through with a consequence if they don't change their behavior, then do it! Don't use false promises. Have your YES be YES! and your NO be NO! Young children are so inquisitive and that's a wonderful thing if you are getting them in contact with a variety of idea building experiences. Let them have clear information about what you expect. But remember they are persons, so have realistic expectations for their developmental stage in life.
I give my littlest children chores to keep them living as a vital part of our family. A child of 2 can help unload the plastic and silverware from the dishwasher. They can peel carrots, fold washcloths and napkins, water flowers. Getting children using their energy in positive ways from an early age show them the boundaries of where they spend their time. When we begin to understand the freedom we have within limits, we can live more freely.
SLOW TO SPEAK means quick to hear.
It's good to read and speak to your children during the day. This helps them to develop their own language skills. If you are listening, you can hear a lot from your children. Don't miss what they are trying to tell you by filling up all the air space with your lectures or rants.
GIVE UP CONTROL of rigid schedules for the youngest
It's a real trend in many church circles to follow a schedule for a baby from the first minute they arrive home from the hospital. We schedule when the child should breastfeed, when they should nap, when they will be awake. If we considered this for ourselves we would squawk! Don't we eat when we are hungry (snacking inbetween meals sometimes!), sleep at unregular hours (when we can) and sometimes do things in the middle of the night for fun? What if instead of forcing a little child to revolve around a parents schedule if we instead allowed some normal flow of the day. When the child becomes hungry, we feed them a healthy snack or allow them to find where we have left a snack on a lower shelf for them. What if we allowed a breastfed baby to nurse on demand? When they needed a hug, we allowed a child to find comfort and put aside the books. Or what if we used a book to help resolve a sad moment in a child's day?
I'm not suggesting throwing out a schedule. I clearly create schedules for all my children and myself, but I allow the rhythm of life to flow in and around the things we need. I schedule us to be home and without outside distractions every morning. I do use an alarm clock to wake myself up and my children each morning. We begin at a standard time every morning, but we also allow those younger in our home to slowly begin their day. Or start super early. When our day is mainly a gentle routine, the youngest children begin to have their own gentle cycles to their day. They need plenty of time outdoors to play. They need snacks and drinks at similar times each day.
Do you know of other ways to nurture a young child in a home Charlotte Mason style? I'd love to hear them!
I don't have it all together. But I am working towards growth all the time. This post is a simple albeit long response.
It's a reflection,
an essay perhaps,
to answer the question recently posed to me: How should I discipline my 2-4 year old using the Charlotte Mason way?
First listen to this.
Why listen? To first help you see that Gordon Neufeld gets Charlotte Mason. Listen for him saying that we are about the science of relationships. Listen to his story about rhythms and rituals within the family. Can you hear about how children's needs of attachment are more important than learning skills and alphabet?
Next buy the book.
Now for my opinions! {take with a grain of salt}
Charlotte Mason says in her first principle "children are born persons."
Ask yourself how do you treat infants and toddlers as persons? What are some practical ways to nourish their development and create a deeper attachment?
I would first consider how you might like to be treated. See your children as an image of God. They are the ones we get to show mercy to each and every day. The gospel (Matthew 25:40) tells us that when we do a something for the least of these we do it to God. Aren't the children in our home the least of these?
Imagine that you want to acquire a skill. How about hand gliding? That's a skill I don't possess. Would you like someone to be patient with you? Would you prefer someone speaking to you as if you were ignorant about hand gliding? Would you like someone to belittle you for what you think you know about it?
Or would you prefer encouragement? patience? gentleness? kindness? acknowledgment that you know a little about it?
That's perhaps how a child feels when we "help" them learn a new skill.
Think pouring your first glass of milk at 18 months could possibly be similar to hand gliding as an adult? I think yes. A gentle word. An encouraging look. Simple phrases of praise and acknowledgement. These are the ways to help a child grow in a Charlotte Mason home.
So here are some ways I think children can be loved into a personality that we as parents enjoy:
TIME
Spend time with them. Lots of time. Take them everywhere you go. Try to schedule your outings around the times that you are less tired and your child is more happy. If that's difficult, try to consider doing less errands. Make the time out of the house joyful for you too! Include a swing in a local park in-between two errands. Stop by a shut in for a 30 minute visit and a muffin break. Let the child help to pack a snack or lunch sack before you leave the house. Let them pick between two great food items. Remove the stress of having to steer them away from unhealthy food choices by not having poor choices in the house!
PROXIMITY and TOUCH
Sometimes my husband and I laugh that we would have been smarter to have a log cabin in the woods like the Ingalls family. When we had three children we lived in a 900sq ft house. We felt a tad cramped. We moved to a much bigger house, but still felt cramped. Why? Our children always wanted to be in the same room with us. We had signaled to them that we liked chatting and being with them. They responded in kind with hanging around. We've added three more children since then (and for two years had a grandpa living with us), but our kids continue to spend most of their time in our presence.
For the infant, baby wearing and cosleeping made the most sense to us. It allowed me to respond to my infant as soon as there was a need and allowed me to get the maximum amount of sleep! This continues in that one to two nights a week we have a visitor in our room. I keep a childs futon in our room and anyone that needs company of mom and dad are welcome to come and sleep closer. I feel blessed that we live in a smallish house. None of my children have a room of their own.
ATTITUDE
The interruptions are the life of living with children. One famous saying of Charlotte Masons is "Education is an atmosphere, a discipline and a life." In many ways that puts pressure on us, as parents, to have an atmosphere that fosters learning. But we educate as soon as they are born. The atmosphere in the home is about developing a relationship. An attachment between the mind of the parent and the mind of the child. Later it's leading the children to foster relationships with other minds of great thinkers wether through personal relationship or through books. ~A Science of Relations~
I think it's about having an attitude of seeing the child as good. Good because they are an image of God. Good because they have a free will to choose how their behavior is displayed. Good because they are not their behavior in this moment. Good because I don't have to control them. Good because they see me as having their best interest in mind.
Here's a little honesty for you. I am a selfish person. I really want my own time in the morning. Time to say hello to Jesus. Listen to the birds from the back porch or front window. Read a little. But God knew this about me so he gave me children. Six years ago he blessed me (see my attitude changing) with a boy who loves to get up early. EVERYDAY. No matter what time I put him down, he's always up at 5 or 5:30. So instead of seeing it as trouble, I continue to learn to embrace it. (It has only taken me 6 years) Today I made blueberry pancakes with him. I tried to savor this time as special. It's not everyday that you make pancakes with blueberries you picked together. Now as I type this he is freely cutting and stapling paper in our sun room right next to me. Last year when he was 4, I taught him how to start the coffee pot in the morning. He was so pleased to bring me a cup of coffee as we read aloud together so early in the morning.
At least six years ago, my husband and I brought together four other couples to read this book. We all came from a Christian background, but all practiced our faiths in different ways. It was great to read this together! I was so challenged!
And because two babies coming into this world required much of my time this week, I'm going to post this as part 1 for now... more soon!
