Showing posts with label thinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thinking. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Orchestrating Large Families

I gave a talk at the Living Education Retreat in 2017 on large families.
I reflect here on my notes and my ramblings...

As people often ask me how I manage a large family, I thought it best to take a different view of the impact a mother has.  What if instead of being a drill instructor or manager of a zoo we compared our roles as mothers to one who conducts music on a large scale?

If you've ever visited an orchestra before, you can envision with me what it's like.  You walk down rows of seats to find the one in which you will sit.  There is a lavish heavy dark curtain hiding the musicians on stage or in the "pit".  Perhaps you can hear them tuning up.  One instrument plays a lone note (A on the clarinet to be exact) and all the others instruments match their tones to it.  They want to all play in tune.

The lights go low in the seating area.  There is a sense of mystery.  You settle into your soft chair.  You know you are in for a treat.  Perhaps you dressed up before you came tonight.  You had a sense that this was special.  Your eyes begin to adjust to the darkness of the room and the bright lights come up on the stage.  The curtain begins to fold back to the edges of the stage.  You see the musicians seated with their instruments at rest.

And THEN....

THE conductor walks onto stage.  His (or her!) presence seems large for every single musician has their eyes riveted to this person.  We, as the audience, are spell bound.  We clap vigorously.  We have expectations that this will be a wonderful night of music.  Perhaps the musicians even stamp their feet to add to the noise of joy.  Have you arrived with me at the time for real music? 

So are you the conductor in your family?  Do you get a standing ovation when you arrive?  Do the participants clap wildly when you make your appearance?
 Or are you a manager hidden in the side lines?  Are you cowering in the box office or behind the lights? 

I believe we as mothers could "manage" our family, but I believe that we are called to conduct. 

What if we as mothers respected each instrument in this family orchestra that God has given us to conduct?  What if we looked at each instrument and it's player as one who needs space to play to their potential? Each of us are given different notes to play.  Each of us are called to be what God wants us to be.  It's not about all conforming to one image that a mother has for perfection.  But in seeing each child as a person, a gift, we let them grow into who God wants them to be.  They play their instrument just the way He created them to.   They make the sounds that are pleasing to God.

What if we as mothers used the gifts that we already possess to do the best job possible?  If we conducted rather than managed (or mangled) the music of these persons in our life into our own likeness?

I encourage you to follow me down this musical journey of considering how your family can play it's best music!  We have the opportunity to play a symphony of music that is worship of thankfulness to our heavenly Father!

In each family, God has given us a chance to play for his glory.  We make music whether we realize it or not.  It's music that uplifts and delights or it's music that weighs down and discourages.

Think of a violin played out of tune.  All squeaky and painful to the ears.  Or a piano that is banged upon instead of lightly touched?  All the noises can come out.  But what a blessing when it's a noise that makes others smile instead of covering their ears.

So how do we encourage each of the gifts in our children to be nourished to their highest potential?  How to we stimulate the music to be it's best when played upon the instrument of the soul of the child?

Is it by always being present and available?  Is it by giving roots and wings?  Is it by the wise passiveness of sometimes letting them make mistakes? 

I've been wondering these questions as my children grow too quickly!  Do you wonder about large families and making sure each persons uniqueness adds the family without making something sound out of tune? 



Thursday, February 2, 2017

Managing a 'large' household part 1

How do I do it?
Only by the grace of God.  and coffee and a little wine.  (less whine please).

I'm doing my beginning of the year reflections still.  Tweaking what hasn't worked for us this year and considering what I have let fall by the wayside.

When there is the squeeze of multiple developmental ages and needs, how does a homeschooling mother do it?

Are you familiar with the instructions given when you ride on an airplane?  "Please put on your own mask BEFORE you help someone else."  I think this applies very clearly to mothering, to homeschooling.

It's very hard to parent, to homeschool when you can't breathe.  When you are physically or intellectually starving, how can you be the best of yourself to provide for your family?

I can't.  I hinder the Holy Spirits work in all of our lives when I am at my least best.

So first I try to remember my self care.  Self-care of the whole person.

How is my prayer life?  How is my personal life?  How are my interactions with others who make me feel whole?  What kinds of stimulation outside of the house are lifegiving?  Do I see myself as one struggling to breathe for the fast paced life I think we need to live?  What kind of silence do I offer for myself and others?

Here are some of the things that help me to be the best of myself.

I wake early.  5:30 to be exact.  (But only when I have disciplined my self to go to bed at a reasonable time every night)  I have a regular alarm set to remind me to wake up. I take a few minutes to offer the day to God.  And to force myself to think kindly of those that might have woken me in the night.  I find the goodness in this new day as a chance to refocus, to refill and to be open to the guiding of the Holy Spirit.  I ask for wisdom to be given that I might say things that are helpful to others.

I have a little quiet time to read the Bible and do a little spiritual reading.  I keep a book journal and allow myself time to write down a few quotes and reflections.  A basic spiral journal or notebook is plenty of space for me.

I learn to say no.  This is very hard for me.  I really enjoy helping other people.  In one week I might be helping a lady deliver a baby, making a meal for a neighbor who lost a loved one, sending a card to a lonely friend and facilitating chores for a neighbor who is out of town.  It's a busy hectic life!  Saying no opens up some time for silence and contemplation and thinking.  This is important for moms (and you will see how important for kids, too).

If you are always running and moving, how can you evaluate if what you are doing is life giving?  Are you so busy that you are hiding from some things that need to be thought through?  Are you filling up your time so you don't have to process something that is really bothering you?

I make sure to have some kind of date time with my husband.  We have to be very creative about this.  Sometimes I join him on his business dinners and then we stop somewhere for coffee or drinks afterward.  Last week he gave a talk.  I went along for moral support and then we went grocery shopping on the way back home.  We have put a movie on for the kids and went into another room for our own sharing or movie time.  We laugh that we go to a movie out of the house for our anniversary once a year.  We missed it last month, but we are both okay with that!  Movies at the theater will happen again one day, but they are not part of this season of life.

I take a time away each month.  There is a monastery close to me.  I find that just four hours once a month is perfect to bring clarity.  Sort of like a date with Jesus and myself.  It's not unreasonable to have a date night with my husband, why shouldn't I have a date afternoon with Jesus?  I come home so refreshed!

I plan a weekly menu.  Last fall I planned one week of meals and we ate the same thing every monday night for four weeks.  This continued every day of the week that we were home.  Every Tuesday we had tacos.  We found that we got bored with the same foods, but by the end of the month my children each had a recipe that they could cook very well.  Besides having a menu plan, I have a cook plan.  Over the years I have embraced children in the kitchen.  It makes the inital teaching of cooking everything exponentially slower!  But in the end it means I have worked myself out of a job.  Tonight as I type this my 12 year old son is making Beef Stroganoff and my 6 year old son is helping him.   (more on habits of teaching the skills of cooking and cleaning at another post!)

Physical self care.  I was that mother that felt like it was wrong to go out and get a pedicure or a haircut...but no more.  It's really important for me to feel great and in turn I treat others great.  Last month I took time to get a massage. This month a haircut.  I like to take walks in every kind of weather.  Hikes near the creek, walks down the lane near our house.  Get me out of the house please and getting some basic Vitamin N (Nature).

Those are some of the things I do to manage a large household.  What do you do?




Sunday, November 13, 2016

the end of the Jubilee Year of Mercy

It's nearly impossible to clearly process the trip we took to Italy in Oct 2016.  It was so full of doors of mercy.  And I'm working on unpacking all that I saw, felt and learned.  Since this Jubilee Year of Mercy is ending soon, I thought it wise to share the photos that were meaningful for me those days.

Tickets to allow us in for the Papal Audience on Oct 12, 2016


Santo Spirito in Sassia Church (Church of the Holy Spirit) in Rome.  This church has been cared for by the Sisters of Mercy since 1994.  We were able to join them for the Divine Mercy chaplet and devotions at 3pm one day.  
A Sister of Mercy in her very characteristic veil.  This was during the veneration of relics of Saint Faustina.  

THE PORTA SANTA at Saint Peters Basilica.  No Words can describe it.  We were blessed to spend the whole morning at the Basilica.  It was quiet for the first couple of hours before the tourists arrived.  Adoration.  Visiting the graves of those that have gone before us.  Mass at Saint John Paul II the Great's tomb.  

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Benedictine Colleges

We visited the first Benedictine College in the U.S. last month.  We were on a family cross country trip and decided to visit the Universities and Colleges that were on our way.


The students and people were very friendly.  We saw monks in habit strolling around.  

The church was impressive.  And we wished we had planned an "official" tour.  But we got a good glimpse of the feel and stature of what is available on campus.  



It's hard to believe we are a few steps away from having a college student.  She would be welcome today at our community college, but the jump to living on a campus with others seems to huge to me.  


Monday, October 13, 2014

Conservation.

I'm pleasantly amazed at the effort people take into making the world a better place.  A "neighbor" who takes part in Soil and Water Conservation with the State DNR hosts a learning day each year for local schools.  
This year our homeschool took part.  We watched a fish biologist "shock" a lake.  The number of fish he was able to pull out and discuss was so enlightening.  My kids found several frogs and we enjoyed watching them return to their natural habitat.  


They had also brought some native turtles.  



The snapping turtle was not happy with being touched and looked at...

There was a frog hopping contest at the end of the talks.  Fun!

We also visited the farm where we were able to feed calves.


And observe a restored prairie.  It was beautiful!  They had a relay race with the kids and it allowed them to run through the prairie.  The "staff" at the farm were all retired farms and workers from the area.  I most enjoyed the discussions with them about their history.    The science of relationships is alive and well with me.  

Friday, July 18, 2014

simplicity

We are a low media family.  We don't have the TV on in the background.  We don't have the computers with free access at all times.  The iPad is mainly used for reading books...

But I do play lots of music.  Mainly classical or the composer we are currently studying.  We do find music that encourages pre-reading and pre-math understanding to be helpful.

One CD called, Sounds Like Fun, that I have owned for 14 years is still being played!  Today I found some videos made by the composer of this CD.  They are very low tech!  I like that!  You might enjoy these too.





I've been thinking about early Math and early Reading lessons lately and how much it begins before they are even school age!  

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Parable work

I've been pondering different parables for years.

Today I wondered what I might make for myself to think more about today's parable.

"Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Perhaps I will make myself a treasure box.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

No room in the Inn

While reading our first Christmas book on the first Sunday of Advent, I reflected on the feelings Mary might have had as she and Joseph looked for a place to stay in Bethlehem.  I considered how this was Joseph's extended familys town.

Why wasn't there anyone to welcome them?  Had they all moved to neighboring town and they too were looking for a place to stay?

Was there some stigma in that Mary had been with child before their marriage?

What was it like to be nine months pregnant and not have a place that gives comfort?

Was Mary able to share openly with Joseph her thoughts as they were beginning their life together?

I also thought about early in my marriage how my husband and I traveled back to his college town.  After an initial discussion about calling ahead for lodging, my husband convinced me that we could easily find something.  It was a small town, but lots of hotels.  (This was before internet reservations!)

But wouldn't you know it after a 7 hour drive, we discovered it was homecoming weekend for the other two colleges in the town.  And every hotel was full.

I was unable to show the virtue which Mary did.  I complained.  I whined.  I wasn't even pregnant.  And we weren't going to see his family.

Praying this Advent to learn more from Mary...and contemplate with her at the manger.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

It's mid July...

And what do I have to say for myself?

Swimming lessons check.
Sewing for 4H check.
Band nearly checked.
Art class check.
Library reading program check.

Whew that six weeks went fast and furious.

Now today I really need to buckle down and get school in order for the fall.  And then a mere 8 weeks left to prepare for this new baby.

I'm reviewing my lists from Ambleside Online and making last minute decisions about Orchestra and Band for the fall.  Perhaps this is a time to plan again to HOME school and not always be away when we need to do schooling.  It slips back in as the year goes by.

I'm considering some new Montessori materials for the littles in this house.  They need some new things I think!

Are you laboring over the school year to come too?

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Have we gotten fevers at our house?

It's always encouraging to find in my book journal ideas that can help me today.  As with most things I read, I find layers that reach me today and layers deeper for when I need them.

Today I needed to re-read this post about fevers.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Adjusting to new circumstances: home management meet food changes

I might be one of those people who like change.  It mixes things up a little.  Rearranging a room makes it feel new.  Eating breakfast for dinner allows you to taste the food a little longer than a quick hurried morning.

I'm adjusting to being pregnant again.  I've gotten past the yucky nauseated days of the first trimester and moved to the energetic second trimester.  But in those first 12 weeks my ability (and the difficulty of cooking during Lent) had left me with meal struggles.  (and actually quite a few other struggles, but more on that later)

You know those days when you feel like eating something less than healthy, but it's not in the house.  The kind of days when you want to just have a meal prepared and ready when your eyes see the light of day.  The shear exhaustion you feel at 3pm when you realize you have not planned for seven hungry mouths and the whining that ensues from the need for satiety.  (and one of those mouths is your own.)

So I'm here adjusting to these new circumstances of knowing that in a few short weeks I will meet my huge pregnant self and not want to cook....again.

I am a picky eater.

I like very fresh healthy meals.  No thanks to those happy meals.  No thanks to those basic American hamburger meals and baloney sandwiches.

Perhaps I did it to myself by getting an education in nutrition.  Maybe it was working in fast food during high school.  Or worse being employed in the institution food system at college.  No, it was the kitchen work at the hospital during my internship.  Layer upon layer I've created an eater who needs lots of taste in my foods and lots of nutrition.

And where do you find lots of taste?  At home.  And once in a while at an ethnic restaurant with fresh ingredients.

And then to add to it pregnancy.  The constant desire for food.  The insatiable need for nutrition.

So this past week I found myself looking for more healthy meals that can be frozen for myself when I get to the uck of pregnancy again.  Meals that adjust for my pickyness and need for freshness.

On my night stand (who really has the strength to read in bed these days?) are these three books.

Make-Ahead Meals Made Healthy

Feed Your Family for $12 a day

Naturally Nutritious: Heathy and Delicious Recipes using Whole Grains, Cocoonut Oil, Agave Nectar and Stevia

So we are going to change things up a little bit.  Rearrange the way mom attacks the meal routines around here.  Think pro-actively and keep frustration at bay.

This week we've tried:
Healthy Bran Muffins with Blueberries.  Made a double batch and froze the rest.  Two thumbs up.

Layered Bean Dip with home made tortilla chips  Fifty thousand thumbs up.  Wow.  All fresh Mex.

Whole Grain Bread and Turkey Sausage Bake.    Froze half of this in individual containers for quick breakfasts.

Chicken Salsa with Rice

Greek chicken in the crock pot.

And those staples that are quick to make up we kept on the menu.  Home made falafel, homemade hummus, homemade whole wheat mac and cheese, granola bars with pb and pepitas.

Watch for other ways that home management will be re-arranged in the coming weeks.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Think on these things


Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. - Phil 4:8

whatever is true  Lent is coming
whatever is honorable  three girls who politely asked for a moderization to their pink girl room
whatever is just  Charlotte Mason just gives me so many ah ha moments
whatever is pure a little red headed little boy who can ask for "milk"
whatever is lovely  warmer weather has the children asking to play outside everyday
whatever is gracious children who see dirt and clean it up themselves!
if there is any excellence learning along with husband in his last Master's program class
if there is anything worthy of praise contest music is being practiced and sounding so nice
think about these things.

(and I am lighting our Presentation in the Temple candle today.)

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Knowing your self

Today I had a wonderful conversation with husband all about self knowledge.  I am still thinking to myself...

Do you ever get to a point in your life that you really understand your faults, your gifts, yourself?
And when you do begin to see your self in the mirror of God's love, do you cringe?  It is too much reality when you've been hiding behind the facade of yourself for so many years?
Or do you smile that God loves you in spite of who you are?  That he made you into just the person that you are meant to be.
Do you feel encouraged, inspired perhaps, to continue on the channel of growth that He set you near?  Or do you just wallow around wondering why you haven't grown up into that person you wanted to be?
Are you grumpy that those virtues you thought you had were just empty boxes of fluff?
Or are you challenged to yet love more those that you are surrounded by?

Do you ever wonder about St. Catherine of Siena's writings about self knowledge?
I do.  (yes, my children are my virtue development classes)

Taken from the opening passage in the Dialogue by Catherine herself:

The soul, who is lifted by a very great and yearning desire for the honor of God and the salvation of souls, begins by exercising herself, for a certain space of time, in the ordinary virtues, remaining in the cell of self-knowledge, in order to know better the goodness of God towards her. This she does because knowledge must precede love, and only when she has attained love, can she strive to follow and to clothe herself with the truth. But, in no way, does the creature receive such a taste of the truth, or so brilliant a light therefrom, as by means of humble and continuous prayer, founded on knowledge of herself and of God; because prayer, exercising her in the above way, unites with God the soul that follows the footprints of Christ Crucified, and thus, by desire and affection, and union of love, makes her another Himself. Christ would seem to have meant this, when He said: To him who will love Me and will observe My commandment, will I manifest Myself; and he shall be one thing with Me and I with him. In several places we find similar words, by which we can see that it is, indeed, through the effect of love, that the soul becomes another Himself.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

think on these things


whatever is true four weeks finished in our Term 1 of school (yeah!)
whatever is honorable little sisters make us laugh
whatever is just three months of consistent exercise makes both the body and mind stronger
whatever is pure the brush of a kiss from a sixteen-month-old
whatever is lovely bringing down the corn with a farming family and then playing in the corn bin 
whatever is gracious apple pie reheated for breakfast 
if there is any excellence the maple tree in the front yard is changing to orange
if there is anything worthy of praise a horse and a pony and their riders that understand one another
think about these things. 

Thursday, July 7, 2011

think on these things

whatever is true swim lessons are difficult but worth the effort
whatever is honorable helping those in need at a young age
whatever is just exercising WITH my husband and praying WITH my husband each day
whatever is pure ginger hair on a growing one year old
whatever is lovely an unplanned dinner with friends after a hike 
whatever is gracious kind words from those who speak about me to others
if there is any excellence blueberry pomegranate green tea from trader joes
if there is anything worthy of praise art camp for an young artist who continues to grow her skills
think about these things. 

Thursday, June 9, 2011

think on these things

whatever is true I like cool summer nights
whatever is honorable a child who apologizes
whatever is just a father who trys to do better at being one
whatever is pure  children playing tag in the yard
whatever is lovely roses blooming by the swing 
whatever is gracious a little extra money for ice cream from a Pop
if there is any excellence a walk in the dark with a husband
if there is anything worthy of praise children who are still doing a little school during the summer
think about these things. 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

think on these things

whatever is true he deserves my respect for all the hard work he does and I'm gonna give it to him
whatever is honorable a sick boy who still helps me around the house
whatever is just taxes are a memory
whatever is pure red tulips, bunches and bunches of them all over the yard punctuated with little grape hyacinth
whatever is lovely two different violins playing different tunes in different parts of the house
whatever is gracious a Mother-in-law who did kid watching duty so that hubby and I could attend a homeschooling conference
if there is any excellence with a choice of attitude adjustment, math can be accomplished in record time
if there is anything worthy of praise  lots of help on the last day of Atriumthink about these things.  

Thursday, March 24, 2011

think on these things.

whatever is true learning still happens even if it doesn't look like school
whatever is honorable  the vineyard images used in the Liturgy of Hours this week
whatever is just  taking advantage of warm weather, it's the lamb part of this month
whatever is pure  lots of things are nearly blooming
whatever is lovely  baby knows how to clap!
whatever is gracious  Pysanky egg making is more fun with friends
if there is any excellence  easy Trader Joe meals...just buy and serve
if there is anything worthy of praise  three children who played an excellent concert after their Suzuki festival

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Think on these things.

whatever is true March is full of birthdays
whatever is honorable forgiveness
whatever is just adding by 100's is getting easier for Mr. 6
whatever is pure  little red buds on the rhubarb plants
whatever is lovely  a baby's hand that can wave hello and goodbye
whatever is gracious forced Narcissus bulbs that are gracing the table.
if there is any excellence a new recipe for quiche was accepted and approved by 6 eaters this week
if there is anything worthy of praise children who can school themselves when Mommy is sick

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Think on these things.

whatever is true we are crying over a loss
whatever is honorable a husband works hard all week and still drives away to school for the weekend
whatever is just the music is coming along as we prepare for contests
whatever is pure  snow that dusts the earth covers that black mud
whatever is lovely other moms that understand homeschooling and can pray for me
whatever is gracious a boy who wraps a crinoid for a friends birthday
if there is any excellence a stolen hour with a friend at a coffee shop
if there is anything worthy of praise everyone worked hard on their schoolwork this week, we are even a little ahead of my plans
think about these things.