Connection Parenting

I've been reading about being a better parent for many years.  And it's a growing process.  

I found Pam Leo to be a great teacher of what I find as a very loving way to guide parents to being the best of themselves.  I see her ways of suggestion to be in line with what I already believe.  

Children are born persons.  

Children and everyone we meet are images of God.  We should treat them so.

Everything people do, everything children do, is a communication of a need or an unmet need.  

We can help people feel better by treating them better.  

All people want to connect.  Reaching them on their level, trying to understand what they want, listening (without any media distractions) will help us know what they are trying to communicate.

How are you connecting with your child today?  

I'm going to be doing labor outside with my son.  

I know that boys connect more over an activity 

(at least the very tom boys that live in my house!)  

Monday's child is fair of face,

Tuesday's child is full of grace,

Wednesday's child is full of woe,

Thursday's child has far to go,

Friday's child is loving and giving,

Saturday's child works hard for a living,

But the child who is born on the Sabbath day

Is fair and wise and good in every way.

This week finds the kids looking up what day they were born and trying to decide if this poem reads true.  

This is our child who is loving and giving.

Blah, blah, blah

I think my mother or my grandmother used to say "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

I've been in that mode lately.  Being quiet because things can just be negative sometimes.

Like a baby who runs a temp of 102 for three days and then shows the four teeth he's broke through and breaks out in a rash over his entire body.  

Like a teenager who has a gazillion projects in process and needs help with them.  

Like kids who seem to forget that we have animals and ignore their responsibilties.  

Like a husband who has to work three days in a vacation week.

Yeah,  Never mind.  It's just normal around here.

I'm a little sad that I just don't take the time to blog as much anymore.  But to tell the truth we are getting a LOT of school completed.  Unfortunately it's taking me most of the day to complete things with the older kids.  So perhaps I'll catch up to all the cool things we've been doing some day.

And since we are in the middle of fasting for that awesome Feast of our Lord's birth coming up...pray for me!

Bright Week 2012 reflections

A happy baby cowboy.

A big sister who gives in to a toddler who wants to play firehouse...but continues to read for book group.

New babies at the farm.

"Hypnotizing a rooster" makes a boy proud of himself.

His new favorite chicken.

Henna on an aunts belly.  Only a little more time before we meet a new cousin.

Super fabulous Six.  And her favorite Chinese kimono to wear.

Baby's baptism

We take serious the baptism of our children.  It takes place fairly quickly after birth.  Our first child was baptized five days after she was born.  Now I've gotten a little smarter and give myself a couple weeks to recover and prepare....

Baptismal candles from all the children made the table display for the afterwards celebration.

Baptismal gown that all the children have worn.  

It's been in the family for three generations now.

Photo display of the other children in the gown for us to compare.

The cake purchased by grandma.

The godparents before the Mass.

These two photos I took myself!  About a month after the baptism. 

Hasn't he filled out the gown?

Taking his clothes off.

the plunge.

Big brother holding the rite booklet.

The new birth in Christ.

See the rocks from the Jordan River that got added to the font?

The godmother...Looking amazing a mere six months after transplant surgery.

Our clan with all of their character showing.

Godparents and parents.

Six weeks slip by with a baby in your arms.

I'm sure you understand why I've been lax in posting....

Isn't he all worth it?

Baby, Oh Baby.

photo credit http://nellie-photography.com/

Another new little life has come under this roof in a real way.  He emerged from his safe warm place into waiting arms of five older siblings and one set of grateful parents.  He's been fought over nearly every waking moment (who wouldn't want that?).

I see that it's time to take a nice break from school work.  With six full weeks finished for this Term, we are taking a nice long look at this new little boy and thanking God for him in every moment.

top five ways to prepare siblings for a birth

Siblings are the greatest gift you can give to your child-John Paul the Great

We've been anxiously awaiting another birth in this family.  I'd like to think we are well prepared.  I've encouraged conjolled my kids into helping me get so many house projects done.  There might not be one physical area in the house that still needs tidying/cleaning.

But there's so much more to being prepared than having the baby clothes washed and the freezer stocked.  You need to be ready emotionally, too.

So here's my top five of how we've been preparing emotionally:

#1 READ.  lots.

We are big book readers.  I've tried to request a new book each week about babies from our local library.  We've enjoyed:

Welcome with Love by Jenni Overend
the Baby Catalogue by Janet Ahlberg
A Baby Blessing by Welleran Poltarness
Angel in the Waters by Regina Doman
Amelia Bedelia and the Baby by Peggy Parish
Hush! by Minfong Ho
A Ride on Mother's Back by Emery Bernhard
I love my Baby Sister (most of the time) by Elaine Edelman
What to Expect When Mommy's Having a baby by Heidi Murkoff
Eyes, Noes, Fingers and Toes by Judy Hindley
Everywhere Babies by Susan Meyers
Books with actual photographs of babies developing in the womb


#2 Talk about it.  
I developmentally answer every question my kids ask me.  I answer based on where I think they are mentally and what they might really be asking.  Honesty is the best key.

Perhaps it's a 2 year old asking what a baby eats.  Easy answer.  Milk from mom.

Or a more difficult question from a 8year old.  "Where will the baby come out?"  A very special place that God made just for babies!

Even more difficult questions.  How did the baby get in there?  A special cell from daddy joined with special cell from mommy and God put in a soul to give the baby life.

I am the kind of person who uses medical words with my kids.  They know the terminology of uterus (not tummy) and umbilical cord is part of our daily vocabulary as well.

With our last birth, two of the children were awake and aware during the pushing stage of labor. It was more difficult for one child, but thankfully we had good support planned ahead of time and our previous lengthy discussions gave her strength.

#3 Watch it.
We've been finding gentle sibling attended births on youtube to watch.  I preview them and then allow the children to watch with me.  In past pregnancies, I borrowed a Bradley Method birth video that included siblings.

We've also watched lots of animal births (both in real life and on video) and talked about the similarities/differences.  We see birth as a natural process and want the kids to see it that way, too.

#4 Let them prepare in their way.

My oldest child made a quilt for the new baby with help from her quilting partner.  She visits an elderly home bound lady weekly and they produced a very nice crib sized quilt.  She also helped me with making about 40 more baby sized wash cloths out of terry cloth and flannel.

My 10 year old knitted a hat for the baby.

The 8 year old is working on several projects (I wonder which one will get finished in time).  He also has been very helpful in doing cleaning duties that I find necessary for a nesting mother!  (please can you reach that cobweb on the corner of the school room?)

The 5 and 2 year old have made several drawings of me with the baby that will ultimately go into the baby book/box.

A cake mix has been purchased to make a cake when I am in early labor.  I'm sure all the children will help with the decorating of it.  (I can't wait to see what they come up with!!)

I see a pattern of using gifts and time as love languages for the new baby (and the mother) in this house!!

#5 pray with your kids.  (lastly, but actually firstly)

We've been praying for this baby with our children.  There were prayers for another child even before this one came.  But these last nine months they've specifically prayed that the pregnancy would be healthy and not too lengthy.  (they've prayed mostly for the later).

We've encouraged them to make up their own prayers and hopes and send them up to God.  We've taken them to church and let them light candles as a continuing witness of their prayers.    And we've also pleaded alongside them with God that the delivery would be less eventful and a blessed one.

So there you have it.  My top five....



Here are some other links of opinions for helping children prepare that I found helpful:

ideas for birth attended by siblings

older siblings at home birth

I wonder what other ways you have found to prepare siblings for a birth in your home.