Charlotte Mason Family Camp 2021

 Hooray!  It’s time to be thinking about warmer days and fun times with your family!  

Registration for the Charlotte Mason Family Camp opens on March 15!  Join other families who embrace the Charlotte Mason philosophy for five days and four nights at MennoHaven campground in Tiskilwa, Illinois.  

This unique camp gives you ample opportunity to nourish friendships with other families, spend time with your own family, be outside in Gods wonderful nature, and rest away from your regular daily duties.  

Each day begins with an opportunity for prayer.   Morning sessions for moms and dads as well as presentations for kids and nature walks fill the first half of the day. The lake and pool are open daily for splashing with your children.  Afternoon occupations include options for handicrafts, science learning, and much more.  All meals are provided.  Days end with bonfires, teen games, star gazing and more.  

Won’t you join us on the prairie?  Enjoy this video about our upcoming camp for 2021 with photos from last year!  

Charlotte Mason Family Camp 2020 Speakers

Our theme of Family Camp this year is Wonder.  Reflect.  Imagine.  Experience.  Each of the speakers/morning sessions will consider a part of this theme.  

On Thursday morning we will have Jason Barney speak on Narration.   

Jason Barney serves as the Academic Dean at Clapham School, a classical Christian school in

Wheaton, IL. In 2012 he was awarded the Henry Salvatori Prize for Excellence in Teaching from

Hillsdale College. He completed his MA in Biblical Exegesis at Wheaton College, where he received The Tenney Award in New Testament Studies. In addition to his administrative responsibilities in vision, philosophy and faculty training, Jason has taught courses in Latin, Humanities, and Senior Thesis from 3rd -12th grades. He regularly speaks at events and conferences, including SCL, ACCS, and nearer home at Clapham School Curriculum Nights and Benefits. He has trained the Lower School

faculty of the Geneva School in Charlotte Mason’s practice of narration in August 2019 and the faculty

of the Ecclesial Schools Institute in August 2020.  Jason blogs regularly on ancient wisdom for the

modern era at www.educationalrenaissance.com, where he has also made available a free eBook on implementing the practice of narration in the classical classroom.

Jason will present:

Cultivating Wonder Through Narration: The What, Why and How of Narration

This practical session will inspire parents to embrace the tool of narration in home education.

First, we will explore what narration is as a learning approach that cultivates students’ wonder,

reflection, imagination and full experience of what they learn. Second, we will delve into some of

the philosophy and modern learning science behind why narration is so effective. Lastly, we will

explore practical tips for implementing narration in the home, like how to set up expectations

well, the varieties of narration, the narration lesson structure, and making the wonder of

narration a way of life. Come ready with your questions about narration, and let’s explore

together the beauty of how our Story-telling God has made us in his image!

Charlotte Mason Family Camp 2020

Our Family Camp is approaching! 
Have you had an interest in the Charlotte Mason Family camp? 
Are you making your summer plans? 

Watch this short video about Charlotte Mason Family Camp 2020.  We are looking forward to hosting you!

You can see past information here.  

REGISTRATION FORM HERE

Parents are Peacemakers

At the Charlotte Mason Institute Eastern 2018 conference, I was pleased to purchase several copies of Parents Are Peacemakers reprint.  This booklet was discussion notes to be used for six group meetings on Peace.  I found the notes to be very eye opening and began to think how they could be used in my local group.

At our November 2018 book meeting, I mentioned that I had read and taken notes from this booklet and was considering a parent group to meet and discuss these topics.  There was an enthusiastic response.  I had already partnered with one couple to beginning meeting in January.  Now we had six more couples that would join us.

I have felt a disconnect for many of the dads in my local CM community.  They seem to shy away from discussions about Charlotte Mason.  I wanted them to feel just as confident as dads who have been reading the Volumes for years.  I wanted them to embrace the ideas in her books and share their hopes and wishes in making this philosophy a pillar of their lifestyle.

Would couples learning and reading provide a jumping off place them?  We have a local book group of 20-40 ladies who read the volumes together.  My husband seems to be the only dad who attends on occasion. There are a few other dads that show up from time to time.  It's difficult to get a babysitter for both parents, but what if that could happen what a lively sharing there could be.

Getting away when you have little children is difficult.  Being able to have the flexibility to join in book reading and discussions takes a lot of time. Would the benefits outweigh the burden of finding childcare?

How could we achieve a discussion group with dads involved? 
Here were my hopes:
Having a designated beginning and ending of the discussions seemed to make it more achievable.  Six sessions.  Once every three weeks.  Accomplished in a little over three months.

We kept fairly well to a time schedule so as to respect babysitters and time commitments.  We structured it to begin right after dinner on Friday nights. This allowed couples to have a date night before if possible and still arrive home at a timely hour.

Picture of one night of discussions

What was the outcome?  8 couples agreed to the meetings.  We tended to have six as the average attendance.  It was light hearted.  We laughed a lot.  We also had some great times at realizing our areas of change and what we needed to accomplish for growth.  Our hearts of caring for our children were enlarged. The encouragement shared between husbands was so comforting.  I think the pressure on dads is greater than we realize.  Our discussions were held at one of two homes.   It warmed the hearts during the cold Illinois winter months.

Think your community would like to host these discussions?  Here are some notes I made from the sessions.  I included a picture study each time.  It was my hope that the families would hang the picture in a place as a reminder of the goals and discussion that had followed the reading.  We usually began with a volunteer to begin our time with prayer.  I had a formal prayer or Bible verse to end our time together.

You are most welcome to use these notes to accomplish a couples or mother discussion in your area. If your community completes this, please let me know about your success!

Orchestrating Large Families

I gave a talk at the Living Education Retreat in 2017 on large families.
I reflect here on my notes and my ramblings...

As people often ask me how I manage a large family, I thought it best to take a different view of the impact a mother has.  What if instead of being a drill instructor or manager of a zoo we compared our roles as mothers to one who conducts music on a large scale?

If you've ever visited an orchestra before, you can envision with me what it's like.  You walk down rows of seats to find the one in which you will sit.  There is a lavish heavy dark curtain hiding the musicians on stage or in the "pit".  Perhaps you can hear them tuning up.  One instrument plays a lone note (A on the clarinet to be exact) and all the others instruments match their tones to it.  They want to all play in tune.

The lights go low in the seating area.  There is a sense of mystery.  You settle into your soft chair.  You know you are in for a treat.  Perhaps you dressed up before you came tonight.  You had a sense that this was special.  Your eyes begin to adjust to the darkness of the room and the bright lights come up on the stage.  The curtain begins to fold back to the edges of the stage.  You see the musicians seated with their instruments at rest.

And THEN....

THE conductor walks onto stage.  His (or her!) presence seems large for every single musician has their eyes riveted to this person.  We, as the audience, are spell bound.  We clap vigorously.  We have expectations that this will be a wonderful night of music.  Perhaps the musicians even stamp their feet to add to the noise of joy.  Have you arrived with me at the time for real music? 

So are you the conductor in your family?  Do you get a standing ovation when you arrive?  Do the participants clap wildly when you make your appearance?
 Or are you a manager hidden in the side lines?  Are you cowering in the box office or behind the lights? 

I believe we as mothers could "manage" our family, but I believe that we are called to conduct. 

What if we as mothers respected each instrument in this family orchestra that God has given us to conduct?  What if we looked at each instrument and it's player as one who needs space to play to their potential? Each of us are given different notes to play.  Each of us are called to be what God wants us to be.  It's not about all conforming to one image that a mother has for perfection.  But in seeing each child as a person, a gift, we let them grow into who God wants them to be.  They play their instrument just the way He created them to.   They make the sounds that are pleasing to God.

What if we as mothers used the gifts that we already possess to do the best job possible?  If we conducted rather than managed (or mangled) the music of these persons in our life into our own likeness?

I encourage you to follow me down this musical journey of considering how your family can play it's best music!  We have the opportunity to play a symphony of music that is worship of thankfulness to our heavenly Father!

In each family, God has given us a chance to play for his glory.  We make music whether we realize it or not.  It's music that uplifts and delights or it's music that weighs down and discourages.

Think of a violin played out of tune.  All squeaky and painful to the ears.  Or a piano that is banged upon instead of lightly touched?  All the noises can come out.  But what a blessing when it's a noise that makes others smile instead of covering their ears.

So how do we encourage each of the gifts in our children to be nourished to their highest potential?  How to we stimulate the music to be it's best when played upon the instrument of the soul of the child?

Is it by always being present and available?  Is it by giving roots and wings?  Is it by the wise passiveness of sometimes letting them make mistakes? 

I've been wondering these questions as my children grow too quickly!  Do you wonder about large families and making sure each persons uniqueness adds the family without making something sound out of tune? 

Announcing, announcing

Family Camp plans for August 20-24, 2019  To see anew: removing the film of familiarity

Thinking about joining us for Family Camp?

Spend four days and four nights on retreat with your family. Rest. Renew. Refresh.

See how education is a life.

But why would you want to bring your family to the heart of Illinois?

Let me give you three great reasons to put CM Family Camp on your calendar!

1.  To get away from the distractions of life.  At family camp you only have nature, your children, and your husband/wife.  The loud voices of the world are gone.  Strip away the film of familiarity and enjoy the family you love. Cultivate your capacity to see all things with new eyes.

2.  To meet and encounter families from around the nation.  Connect with parents and children who embrace the Charlotte Mason vision and lifestyle.  Enjoy the chance to share your stories and see how others live the atmosphere, discipline and life.  Enable your children to develop deep friendships with other families who are just like them.

3.  To see and appreciate anew your goals.  We seek to explore new ideas and foster deeper convictions to keep moving towards what God is calling your family toward.  Pause for a chance to remind the hopes for your family life.  Give your whole family a chance to see again what are your reasons for this lifestyle.

**bonus- Meet the Illinois prairie with it's hills and flora and fauna.  It's waiting for you!

What should you do next?  Print out this registration form.  And mail it in soon!

We have room for 16 families total.  We would love to spend these days with you!

Won't you join us?

Remembering the Charlotte Mason Family Camp

Ten days ago I was leaving MennoHaven in Tiskilwa, Illinois with a full heart.  I had spent three nights and four days living with 13 other families and my own family.  We had shared space together.  We had learned together.  We had shared ideas.

The children were dirty.  The parents were tired, but happy.  It was, for many, a one-of-a-kind experience.  We all shared homeschooling as our mode, Christ as our model and Charlotte Mason as our educational philosophy.

Here are some of the words from the families who participated:
"I enjoyed the family connection time with other Charlotte Mason families."
"We appreciated the exposure to handicrafts, Swedish drill and folk dancing."
"What a beautiful, relaxing location.  The facility is clean and the food is really nice for camp food."
"I loved the afternoon pursuits as families."
"The most valuable part of of this Charlotte Mason Family Camp was evening prayers as a group."

"I felt the most valuable thing was the 3D vision of Mason in action."
"The informational sessions were inspirational and a joy to sit in!"
"The most helpful part of Family Camp was the organized activities and the abundant freedom to skip if we wanted."
"The most helpful part of Family Camp was getting wisdom from those ahead of us on this homeschooling journey."
"It was comfortable and easy to access with small kids."
"I loved having plenty of time to mingle and get to know other families with the same focus."
"As protestants, although prayer times were different for us, we appreciate that you made them lean towards a non-denominational approach."
"Art Middlekauff's last talk was awesome."
"The most valuable part of this experience was seeing how to help my wife homeschool with a more wide perspective of this philosophy."

Families at the Charlotte Mason Family Camp

Here's a great personal share of one family that joined us at Family Camp. 
Video of Family Camp 2018

Won't you join us next year?

Evening Prayer and it's components

At a recent homeschool conference I shared my families practice of doing an evening examination of conscience.  I was explaining my understanding of dignity of personhood as shared by Charlotte Mason.

I specifically shared how I had cringed as a young mother when I observed another mother forcing her child to apologize for something they had done.  The child, in my opinion, didn't understand the pain he had caused another child.  His lashing out had been his way of communicating his own needs, not a conscious deviant behavior.  Would you agree that every behavior a person has is a way of communicating? Either communicating a need or a want. 

As I thought of how the mother responded and how the event became more tense, I saw the stress caused in the child and the rift between mother and child.  I wanted the child to feel loved not despised, respected and cared for instead of hindered in their growth. 

When we see squabbles between our children during the day, we might be tempted to force an apology right on the spot.  We might think that our involvement creates the habit of better behaviors for life.  But before an apology, the first step is to acknowledging that what we've chosen to do is wrong.  Time gives opportunity to apologize and to make adjustments for the next time we approach the same experience.  This might be an area in which a mother shows her "wise-passiveness" by not taking into her own hands the apology and the forgiveness on her own terms or own time.

Think with me about the last time you had a squabble with your spouse.  (I hope you did it in front of your children so that they could see both the conflict and the resolution!)  Did you find that in the exact moment that the argument finished you were ready to apologize?  Or had the frontal lobe of your brain began to expand and the heat of the moment wouldn't give you a release of calming hormones? (Look up the amygdala response for yourself!)

I suspect many times you have needed moments, days, or even more time to begin to understand the calamity of your choice.  Your partner may have needed to explain to you the severity of the pain you caused.  And then later, often much later, you pick up the pieces of the brokenness you caused and found the strength to apologize.

When we look at the first principle of Charlotte Mason and apply this to the giving and receiving forgiveness, shouldn't we be treating the child as a person?  How do we want to be treated when we wrong someone?  Do we want them to bring a list of all of their hurts?  Do we want them to go on explaining for paragraphs all the ways we have been wrong? 

I think of those in authority over me.  Specifically those government helpers.  There have been times that a police man has forced me to apologize in his way for speeding (time to pay a ticket mother!), but most interpersonal relationships have needed some time and were never forced apologies.  The forgiveness might have also taken some time to give and receive.  Even a child knows when the apology is not heartfelt, but just a duty.  I am much quicker to forgive when the apology comes from the depths of my contrite heart instead of an attitude of duty or shame of being caught.

I wanted to share with you the examination of conscience we do as a family during our family prayer and read aloud time in the evenings.  We tend to have a 20-30 minute time of dad reading aloud to us all and then a 10-15 time of family prayer.  We start our prayer time with lighting a specific candle decorated only for use at our prayer time.  The examination of conscience becomes a starting point on our shared prayer time.  You can find it here.  Our family follows this with Compline.  We use the Universalis website or the hand held Liturgy of the Hours.   You are welcome to use your own traditions or borrow ours!  (and don't forget to put out the candle!)

And you respect the personhood and dignity of each person in your household may your journey on this pilgrimage of life be full of blessings! 

Talking about Living Books

Last May one of my highschoolers and one of my younger boys talked about Living Books.  You might enjoy this video recording their discussion. 

Eira How

More than four years ago we moved to a "new house" in a more rural area.  It was less than 3 miles from our 1868 house in the village.

But a new house to us.  A very modern 1950's style house.  The most modern house we've owned in our marriage.

We've been practicing hospitality, both to those who live in the home and those who live outside, for many years.  I have written about this dear to my heart topic before...
The past four years we have kicked around names for this place.  What would embody what we hope for here?  What name could evoke the heart of what this place means?

Our home is simple.  We use three bedrooms of the four for our own sleeping quarters. My children say we are minimalistic.  (I feel as though we have too many toys, but not enough books!)  We are not minimalists.

We welcome many people.  We do not go a week without a guest in our home.  We welcome strangers and friends.  And we hope the strangers can call us friends when they leave.

The midwest is typically considered a very flat area.  But for some reason the road on which we live is the hill-i-est around.  We have often called it the roller coaster road!  It's a natural phenomenon.  Our house sits on the top of one of the many hills around. We can see the tops of the other hills when we look down our road, but we cannot see the valleys.

So here's the "big" reveal.  We finally have a name for this place.

We've kept an icon over our kitchen table area for the past 10 years at least.  It's the visitation of the three guests to Abraham.    Sometimes it's called the Trinity Icon or the Hospitality of Abraham.  It's probably the most famous Russian icon.  It was written (as icons are not painted) by Andrei Rublev in 1440.  I hope one day to travel to Moscow to visit it.  For now, we just sit in it's gaze while we share our own table with guests from far and near.

Our copy of the icon is from Romania.  My parents were traveling there many years ago and we requested they bring a copy of this back for us.  They found it in an Orthodox gift shop/church.  It reminds us of our friends who live there and those that have suffered greatly in the Eastern church for their faith.

My family roots are in England and Sweden so I've been doing a little dive into Norse language roots.  We often talk about how our home is where we learn to show mercy.  It's in giving mercy that we receive mercy.  I wanted to know what norse words might reflect our mission of giving mercy in and out of the home with our place of hill.  Here is what I came up with!

Eira How.  Eira (ear-rah) meaning Mercy and How meaning Hill.


This past month Embroidery was our focus so I chose to make mine for our home with our name.
I tend to have the most productive handwork time while my husband is driving!

And now my embroidery hangs in our dining room.  In a simple frame.

Do you have a special name for your homestead/house?  Does it reflect the values you have for your home/family?

New beginnings

This past month I helped my daughter move into her college dorm.  It's quite a transition from going from a Charlotte Mason homeschool setting to a public conservatory/university.  She had learned the habit of sharing (with five younger siblings) so the prospect of sharing a room with only one person seemed easy!

Homeschooling affords some opportunities of sheltering our children.  I took those opportunities.  I watched over those early years of influence.  We were careful about protecting our eyes and ears from seeing and watching things that would hinder our growth both in the spiritual and physical realms.
I gently helped create boundaries to allow for silence in her life.  I fostered chances to volunteer and to rest.  I wondered if this would be enough.  Would she have internalized the hopes we had for her?  Would she find the habit of silence and nature and beauty for herself?

As my children have grown, we have allowed them more and more freedom to learn about the harshness of the world and the realities that exist. But going from a safe Christian environment both in home and school and circles of friends, to not having any of those things that are familiar is quite a shock.  I prayed that the Holy Spirit would continue to be heard by her.  That she would take advantage of the opportunities of new experiences and choose well.  And I continue to pray.

I talk to my college aged daughter everyday right now.  I ask her what things fill her time.  I was delighted to hear of her need for continuing those things that brought life into our home and homeschool. There is a botanical garden across the street from her dorm.  She's so well known by the front check in person that she no longer has to show her ID.  We share photo texts of plants we find interesting.  I love seeing the flora and fauna that catch her eye these days.  I hope she likes seeing things from back home.

She's been fostering friendships outside of her college as well.  Just in the first month she has spent weekends with Charlotte Mason families, couples who no longer have children at home and families who don't homeschool.  She has a desire to volunteer at a local church.  It makes my heart glad and helps to balance my tears to know that she is finding her way.

Have you found new beginnings to be both stretching and balancing?

Managing a 'large' household Part 3

I want to say again that I'm a work in progress as we have to adjust every term to find the best set up for where everyone has most of their needs met.  This term I have one daughter taking a college composition course two mornings a week (so she is missing some of our morning time), I have another daughter that is taking an art class at the local highschool every other afternoon.  These options might not always work for us, but we are giving them a try!
I am currently teaching/learning with one senior in highschool, one freshman, one 7th grader, one 4th grader and one 1st grader.  Also a 4 year old tag along is teaching me.

Here are some questions people have asked me:
How many hours per day do you devote to homeschooling?
I spend from 8-1130am doing school with the kids.  We usually have 8-915 as group time. I do have one child who gets up at 5:30 everyday.  I've "trained" him to start the coffee and bring me a cup.(The water and coffee are prepped the night before)  After I have done my morning prayers, he and I will do his school work from 6:00-7:00 before we wake up the other kids.  (This is my 1st grader--he is such a morning person!)  I'm trying to meet him where his needs are.

Are you able to finish by lunchtime? I personally finish by lunch time mostly....My older kids usually have some individual work to finish up (7th grade and up).  I have worked our "acts of service" towards each other to include each child making a lunch once a week.  This allows me to work with some individual kids right up to lunch time rather than stopping to make lunch each day.  Sometimes my older kids need more support in the afternoon on their individual works or they need to orally narrate to me.  My youngest kids just don't retain anything if we try to do work in the afternoon.  I also have less strength to read aloud in the afternoon...perhaps because I am more mentally tired?  Perhaps it's my attitude?  Am I getting older?

How do you divide your days? This year I committed to doing nothing outside of the house before 1pm.  In the past I have been part of bible studies one morning a week.  As I re-evaluated last summer, I saw that I needed to have a singular focus each morning.  
We do group work every morning.  The youngest two might need to step away when things are more than they can handle.  I call it "getting off the bus".  They are expected to have quiet calm activities on the main level of the house while I am reading aloud or they can 'get off the bus' and play loudly in the basement or outside.  When the weather is warm enough, we move to the back porch outside for this morning time.  This time for us currently includes Bible reading, Saint study/biography, Plutarch, Composer Study, Picture Study, Poetry, History of Literature, Architecture, Shakespeare, Hymn, Folk Song, Patriotic Song, Sloyd, Solfa, Swedish Drill and a epic poem.  We do not do all of these on one day!  These are spread out over a week.  Some are one day a week, some are twice.  

You gave us a glimpse of some subjects you do together in the mornings, and you mentioned that you do a nature walk before lunch. Could you share any more of what is working for you? I combined many of my Form 2 and 3 books into one book read.  I have a slow reader in 4th grade and a great reader in 7th grade.  I combined my Math drills and warm ups for my 7th grader who is a whiz with my 9th grader who needs support.  I only do a daily nature walk with my youngest three.  The others have scheduled nature walk time they do on their own.  We have a ramble together once a week and it's in the afternoon and takes up a few hours.  There are some times we need to move the ramble to a Sunday and then we include daddy!  I have scheduled a walk while one child is making lunch.  This allows us to arrive to the lunch table very hungry!  I don't have much trouble getting my littles to eat well.  

What do you save for afternoons and evenings?   Tea time!  Poetry recitations-either read or memorized.  We have some days that our morning is interrupted and I might have to do some of our morning time after lunch.  It's important for me to make our house open to others.  There are times that a neighbor stops by or we have an animal need...so we try to be flexible and not rigid.  The atmosphere needs to be light and joyful even in our drive to have a feast of learning.  
I also like to have some open time for discussions.  Right now I have two boys that get up early and stay up later than I would like due to older siblings.  This actually works to my benefit in that I get to read some quiet time read alouds with them both around 2pm and they both usually take a nap!  I wake them again by 4 at the latest.  I can use this time to work on lesson plans for the coming days, read a book (FOR MYSELF!), or work with an older child who needs extra support.  I didn't think I would be able to get a 6 year old to take a nap, but he does when he knows I am in there with him.  

I have slowly helped my children learn how to make dinner too.  So four nights a week they also make the dinner for our family.  I worked alongside them for many weeks, then was available for help, and now they are on their own.  It seems to be a huge developmental change around age 10/11 in which a child can do more in the kitchen if they have been introduced at a young age.  

My husband reads a biography in the evenings for everyone to enjoy.  This happens about 5 times a week.  I have been very careful about what things we do in the evening.  I have to take into account my introverted husband who works in an extroverted job all day.  We have one night a week as a family in which we volunteer our time.  Another night per week my older girls play in a youth symphony.  That leaves us four nights during the week to have family meals and prayer time together plus our weekends that are mainly home.  If I have meetings outside the home, I try to be part of dinner before I leave. 

Our afternoons vary, but I really try to be home.  I let the younger kids find their interests.  My 4 year old loves electricity kits and snap circuits, handicrafts like needle point and latch hook, etc.  My children are in 4H and some afternoons are spent working on projects for the Fair.  We have one afternoon of music lessons.  I have limited my time outside the home for shopping and errands as much as possible.  

This works for us for now.  It may not work for others.    It's really about seeing the developmental needs and learning styles of each child and balancing it against the goals you have set for your family.  
 

Managing a 'large' household part 2

Attitude
I think attitude has the biggest impact on parenting and managing a large household.  When children seem like otters all slithering away in opposite directions, it's good to have a joyful heart.  10 years ago I read a book called Be Happy Without Being Perfect by Alice Domar.  I found my notes this week in my book journal (another great habit to keep!!  Reading and journaling!)

Here are some things I needed to be reminded of today!  Perfectionism causes insomnia, GI symptoms, stress and anxiety.  Behavioral modeling plays an HUGE part in helping perfectionist be born and made.  If a perfectionist can have things look good, everything must be good.  People that look like they have it all together may actually be in the worst place.  The key is giving up control-after all you didn't have it in the first place.  :)

Mindfulness is key in being present in the NOW.  It's the most anti-perfectionist.  Allow yourself to have other people fulfill some of your needs.
Ask for what you need.
Converse, don't fight.
Retrain your brain.
Realize that you don't always see the world as it is, but as you are....so don't let your cognitive distortions blow others comments out of proportion.

Ask yourself "What does it take for me to thrive"?  So many times mothers just find a way to survive.  Those years of homeschooling limit our ability to do self care.  But what if we were able to THRIVE?  Wouldn't that mean being a whole person when our kids fly from this nest?  What if we were able to be a whole (and holy) person now while the world we are in remains topsy turvy?

Support
Book groups have been a great help for me over the years. I currently am in four different book groups:  Three different Charlotte Mason volumes books (one online and two in real life) and one classics book group.  I find the interaction with other women around books to be stimulating and encouraging.  I also read books with a friend who lives across the U.S.  We bounce a title off of each other and try to read along in unison as our lives are similar.  Even if we don't discuss the books we've read right away, we have great discussions when we get back together.

Understanding
I try to spend some time observing each one of my children each quarter.  Really observing them for a whole day.  How to I catch them spending their free time?  How are they moving through their day?  Are they hurried?  Are they distracted?  Are they happy?  Discover your child's current learning style by Willis and Hudson was eye opening for me.  It encouraged me to not get stuck in thinking that your child has only one learning style and that they won't change.  We don't expect infants and toddlers to develop at the same rate or do things exactly in the same way, so why do we transport all our vital, lively, distinctly different children to uniform environments to teach them all in one way and expect them to progress at the same pace and call them below average if they don't?  Giving a look at each of my children and letting the Holy Spirit guide me in the decisions towards better learning for them has gotten us through many tough large family times.

Open
Let your children take part in their long term plans.  Consider a meeting with your 7th grade to make broad six year goals.  See the challenges in your child's life as goals rather than problems.  If you only have young children, let them make plans for your free days.  Giving long term looks can help them see that their life is an open book and you are here to help them achieve their dreams.

Responding
Be a responsive parent.  Be one that listens to and acknowledges feelings, needs and points of view.  This is treating them like a person.  Charlotte Mason used this as her first principle.  When you want your child to listen to you, spend some time listening to your child!   Model what you want from them.  Reactive parents use threats, comparisons, labels, blames and punishments.  Reactive parents have emotions get in the way of seeing their children as persons.

"Every hour, every day parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which more than anything else, future character and conduct depend."  Charlotte Mason


Still more to come...

Managing a 'large' household part 1

How do I do it?
Only by the grace of God.  and coffee and a little wine.  (less whine please).

I'm doing my beginning of the year reflections still.  Tweaking what hasn't worked for us this year and considering what I have let fall by the wayside.

When there is the squeeze of multiple developmental ages and needs, how does a homeschooling mother do it?

Are you familiar with the instructions given when you ride on an airplane?  "Please put on your own mask BEFORE you help someone else."  I think this applies very clearly to mothering, to homeschooling.

It's very hard to parent, to homeschool when you can't breathe.  When you are physically or intellectually starving, how can you be the best of yourself to provide for your family?

I can't.  I hinder the Holy Spirits work in all of our lives when I am at my least best.

So first I try to remember my self care.  Self-care of the whole person.

How is my prayer life?  How is my personal life?  How are my interactions with others who make me feel whole?  What kinds of stimulation outside of the house are lifegiving?  Do I see myself as one struggling to breathe for the fast paced life I think we need to live?  What kind of silence do I offer for myself and others?

Here are some of the things that help me to be the best of myself.

I wake early.  5:30 to be exact.  (But only when I have disciplined my self to go to bed at a reasonable time every night)  I have a regular alarm set to remind me to wake up. I take a few minutes to offer the day to God.  And to force myself to think kindly of those that might have woken me in the night.  I find the goodness in this new day as a chance to refocus, to refill and to be open to the guiding of the Holy Spirit.  I ask for wisdom to be given that I might say things that are helpful to others.

I have a little quiet time to read the Bible and do a little spiritual reading.  I keep a book journal and allow myself time to write down a few quotes and reflections.  A basic spiral journal or notebook is plenty of space for me.

I learn to say no.  This is very hard for me.  I really enjoy helping other people.  In one week I might be helping a lady deliver a baby, making a meal for a neighbor who lost a loved one, sending a card to a lonely friend and facilitating chores for a neighbor who is out of town.  It's a busy hectic life!  Saying no opens up some time for silence and contemplation and thinking.  This is important for moms (and you will see how important for kids, too).

If you are always running and moving, how can you evaluate if what you are doing is life giving?  Are you so busy that you are hiding from some things that need to be thought through?  Are you filling up your time so you don't have to process something that is really bothering you?

I make sure to have some kind of date time with my husband.  We have to be very creative about this.  Sometimes I join him on his business dinners and then we stop somewhere for coffee or drinks afterward.  Last week he gave a talk.  I went along for moral support and then we went grocery shopping on the way back home.  We have put a movie on for the kids and went into another room for our own sharing or movie time.  We laugh that we go to a movie out of the house for our anniversary once a year.  We missed it last month, but we are both okay with that!  Movies at the theater will happen again one day, but they are not part of this season of life.

I take a time away each month.  There is a monastery close to me.  I find that just four hours once a month is perfect to bring clarity.  Sort of like a date with Jesus and myself.  It's not unreasonable to have a date night with my husband, why shouldn't I have a date afternoon with Jesus?  I come home so refreshed!

I plan a weekly menu.  Last fall I planned one week of meals and we ate the same thing every monday night for four weeks.  This continued every day of the week that we were home.  Every Tuesday we had tacos.  We found that we got bored with the same foods, but by the end of the month my children each had a recipe that they could cook very well.  Besides having a menu plan, I have a cook plan.  Over the years I have embraced children in the kitchen.  It makes the inital teaching of cooking everything exponentially slower!  But in the end it means I have worked myself out of a job.  Tonight as I type this my 12 year old son is making Beef Stroganoff and my 6 year old son is helping him.   (more on habits of teaching the skills of cooking and cleaning at another post!)

Physical self care.  I was that mother that felt like it was wrong to go out and get a pedicure or a haircut...but no more.  It's really important for me to feel great and in turn I treat others great.  Last month I took time to get a massage. This month a haircut.  I like to take walks in every kind of weather.  Hikes near the creek, walks down the lane near our house.  Get me out of the house please and getting some basic Vitamin N (Nature).

Those are some of the things I do to manage a large household.  What do you do?

Making room

Are you too making room in your heart for the Lord this Advent?  The season can become so full of buying presents and making decorations that we forget to make time to empty our hearts.  Or is it just me?

I'm breathing a sigh of relief because we only have one Christmas concert this year.  I don't have lots of places to go and we've paired down our activities.  But how can I begin to make each moment a readying of the room of my heart?

As in years past, we are fasting during Advent.   There are so many things possible to fast from.  And it's so counter-cultural to limit in this time of excess.

I was surprised to see that it's been six (6!) years since I wrote about my plans to find more silence.  We've added two children and a grandparent to our household since this.  It's still a work in progress. I still have my goal to rise before the rest of the family to give my day to God in prayer.  I usually have a child who hears me and rises too.

So this year.  What will be different?  It won't be just adding more crafts or seeing more Christmas programs.  We will try to punctuate our day more fully with prayer.  We will make time to pray, visit the adoration chapel, and to living the Liturgy in our home and in the church.

Celebrating a month of souls

In November we have so many saints to celebrate.  And it's been a year of more deaths than I ever remember.  This is a year we choose to pray even more.  A year to meditate on the shortness of our lives and how blessed each moment is.

I took the kids to visit some graves of those who have gone before us.  We like to leave a small stone on each grave stone we visit.  This is a Jewish tradition.

I've been reflecting on the death of my grandmother and my father-in-law from this year.  I've also lost friends and spouses of friends.  This year.  This year it seems closer.  Today is the day I will remember those who touched deaths door and are here with us a little longer.  I will send notes and well wishes to those whom I care for who are fighting for another day of life.

And we think of those who are living in the presence of Christ.  Those who have gone before us and are wishing us to join them.

I hung four recipes in my kitchen this month.  Each one hand written by a woman in my life. My mother,  my two grandmothers and one great grandmother.  Their hands made many a meal for their children and grandchildren.  They reach out over the years and from the grave to share a meal with my family.  In my kitchen.

And so I'm thankful.  Grateful.  and pray for those souls that have gone before me.

Praying on pilgrimage

2691 The church, the house of God, is the proper place for the liturgical prayer of the parish community. It is also the privileged place for adoration of the real presence of Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. The choice of a favorable place is not a matter of indifference for true prayer. 

- For personal prayer, this can be a "prayer corner" with the Sacred Scriptures and icons, in order to be there, in secret, before our Father. In a Christian family, this kind of little oratory fosters prayer in common. 

- In regions where monasteries exist, the vocation of these communities is to further the participation of the faithful in the Liturgy of the Hours and to provide necessary solitude for more intense personal prayer.

- Pilgrimages evoke our earthly journey toward heaven and are traditionally very special occasions for renewal in prayer. For pilgrims seeking living water, shrines are special places for living the forms of Christian prayer "in Church."  Catechism of the Catholic Church

It was very easy to pray here.  

Jubilee of Mercy: Living in the Family

Pope Francis released a letter to the world in April 2015 declaring his intention to have a YEAR OF MERCY for the whole world.  As Catholics, our practice of a Jubilee Year comes from our historical roots in Judaism.  When the twelve tribes of Israel lived the law as prescribed in Leviticus (25:10), they would all gather every 50 years to celebrate a year of jubilee.  It seems that this practice was lost or discontinued formally perhaps due to the requirement of the Jews living in Israel.

For many months I have been reading about the Jubilee Year and deciding how we might live it out in our own home.  I'm sure there will be things done in our diocese, but I wanted to bring it to the domestic church level as well.

Pope Francis says, in his opening paragraph, "The Father, rich in mercy,...gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, has never ceased to show in various ways throughout history, his divine nature".  In what ways as a mother and parent, might I help my children see God, the Father, this year in these attributes?  How can I help them contemplate the mystery of mercy?

The Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy will begin on December 8, 2015.  On December 8, Pope Francis will open wide a Jubilee Door at St. Peter's Bascilia in Rome.  My local bishop will do the same on our Cathedral.  Perhaps your local bishop will open a door in your diocese. 

In our domestic church, we will designate a door in our house to be our Jubilee of Mercy door.  We will open it wide to give Mercy in the coming year.   I will hang a Divine Mercy image on this door.  Pope Francis says the Door of Mercy will allow anyone who enters through it to experience the love of God who consoles, pardons and instils hope.


Things we might do:
Learn more about Faustina.  She's the Polish Nun that ultimately had the image of Divine Mercy created to spread around the world.  She lived in a time when there was much unrest in the world.  (sounds like the current times, right?)

Read her.  Faustina's Diary.   Read Fr Michaeal Gaitley's book about Divine Mercy throughout history.

Virtually visit the Shrine in Poland.  Visit the Shrine dedicated to Divine Mercy in the United States.

Learn more about Saint John Paul II the Great. Read books.
Lolek
A boy who became Pope
Pope John Paul II: Young Man of the Church
Watch a movie. Karol.

Read the Psalm of Mercy that the people of Israel would sing at liturgical feast days.  Psalm 136.  I will read this as part of our morning gathering/prayer time in our homeschool.  Perhaps after months of reading it, my children and I will have it memorized.

Live in the parables.  Pope Francis highlighted the parables that spoke of Mercy.  The Lost (found) Sheep, the lost (found) coin, the forgiving father and his two sons, the debtors are a few to read.  (Look up Luke 15 for these.)


Get to know the Mother of Mercy in a deeper way.  Consider a Marian Consecration.  Memorize the Memorarae.  

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,

that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection,

implored your help, or sought your intercession,

was left unaided.

Inspired with this confidence,

I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.

To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful.

O Mother of the Word Incarnate,

despise not my petitions,

but in your mercy, hear and answer me.

Amen.

Study the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy.

Matthew 25:35-40...for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing?  And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’ 

Consider ways to be merciful in your home.  Can you pardon offense more quickly?  

Including a simple rite of examination of conscience as part of evening family prayer time?  Praying the act of contrition together each evening?  Make a habit of going to confession together more often-perhaps once a month?

My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.
                  In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good,
                  I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things.
                  I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more,
                  and to avoid whatever leads me to sin.
                  Our Savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for us.
                  In His name, my God, have mercy.
                  Amen.

Learn the Salve Regina together and sing in the evenings during prayer time.  

This Jubilee Year will conclude on November 20, 2016 so you have plenty of time to celebrate and experience.  "We live in a culture of death, but now the hour has come- God is pouring out grace and mercy needed to build up the culture of life and love."  We begin the culture in our own homes.  

How will you begin to focus on this special year?

Luke 6:36 Be merciful just as your heavenly Father is merciful.

Sunflower fields

Just down the road from us,

we can walk into a sunflower field.

So we smile at the farmer who wonders what we are doing in his field.

And we discover the birds and creatures that are attracted, like us, to this beautiful place.

(all photos credit to 13 year old)

Hospitality

All GUESTS ARE TO BE RECEIVED AS CHRIST.

This is a photo of the guest house at Mt. Angel Abbey outside of Portland, Oregon.  

I've been contemplating this quote from the rule for months.  10 months to be exact.  

How to we welcome others into our home?  

Do they feel as if I see them as Christ in their soul?  

And who are my guests?  

My daily guests in my home are my children.  My husband.  My Father-in-law who lives with us. 

And those guests that come and go.  

My parents.  My mother-in-law and her recently deceased husband.  It's my brother-in-laws and their partners.  My sister and her family.  

Those guests that come once.  

Those that come every week to take a violin lesson from my daughter.  Or to play with my children.

Do they leave this home feeling like I stopped my daily life and gave them attention?  

Do they feel as if they were cared for as if they were Christ?  

Oh, that on my judgement day, it will be said "Well done, my faithful servant".  

"You reached to the least and welcomed them in."  

"You entertained angels unaware".

(Would you please visit me so that I can treat you as Christ?)