It's a reflection,
an essay perhaps,
to answer the question recently posed to me: How should I discipline my 2-4 year old using the Charlotte Mason way?
Why listen? To first help you see that Gordon Neufeld gets Charlotte Mason. Listen for him saying that we are about the science of relationships. Listen to his story about rhythms and rituals within the family. Can you hear about how children's needs of attachment are more important than learning skills and alphabet?
Next buy the book.
Now for my opinions! {take with a grain of salt}
Charlotte Mason says in her first principle "children are born persons."
Ask yourself how do you treat infants and toddlers as persons? What are some practical ways to nourish their development and create a deeper attachment?
I would first consider how you might like to be treated. See your children as an image of God. They are the ones we get to show mercy to each and every day. The gospel (Matthew 25:40) tells us that when we do a something for the least of these we do it to God. Aren't the children in our home the least of these?
Imagine that you want to acquire a skill. How about hand gliding? That's a skill I don't possess. Would you like someone to be patient with you? Would you prefer someone speaking to you as if you were ignorant about hand gliding? Would you like someone to belittle you for what you think you know about it?
Or would you prefer encouragement? patience? gentleness? kindness? acknowledgment that you know a little about it?
That's perhaps how a child feels when we "help" them learn a new skill.
Think pouring your first glass of milk at 18 months could possibly be similar to hand gliding as an adult? I think yes. A gentle word. An encouraging look. Simple phrases of praise and acknowledgement. These are the ways to help a child grow in a Charlotte Mason home.
So here are some ways I think children can be loved into a personality that we as parents enjoy:
TIME
Spend time with them. Lots of time. Take them everywhere you go. Try to schedule your outings around the times that you are less tired and your child is more happy. If that's difficult, try to consider doing less errands. Make the time out of the house joyful for you too! Include a swing in a local park in-between two errands. Stop by a shut in for a 30 minute visit and a muffin break. Let the child help to pack a snack or lunch sack before you leave the house. Let them pick between two great food items. Remove the stress of having to steer them away from unhealthy food choices by not having poor choices in the house!
PROXIMITY and TOUCH
Sometimes my husband and I laugh that we would have been smarter to have a log cabin in the woods like the Ingalls family. When we had three children we lived in a 900sq ft house. We felt a tad cramped. We moved to a much bigger house, but still felt cramped. Why? Our children always wanted to be in the same room with us. We had signaled to them that we liked chatting and being with them. They responded in kind with hanging around. We've added three more children since then (and for two years had a grandpa living with us), but our kids continue to spend most of their time in our presence.
For the infant, baby wearing and cosleeping made the most sense to us. It allowed me to respond to my infant as soon as there was a need and allowed me to get the maximum amount of sleep! This continues in that one to two nights a week we have a visitor in our room. I keep a childs futon in our room and anyone that needs company of mom and dad are welcome to come and sleep closer. I feel blessed that we live in a smallish house. None of my children have a room of their own.
ATTITUDE
The interruptions are the life of living with children. One famous saying of Charlotte Masons is "Education is an atmosphere, a discipline and a life." In many ways that puts pressure on us, as parents, to have an atmosphere that fosters learning. But we educate as soon as they are born. The atmosphere in the home is about developing a relationship. An attachment between the mind of the parent and the mind of the child. Later it's leading the children to foster relationships with other minds of great thinkers wether through personal relationship or through books. ~A Science of Relations~
I think it's about having an attitude of seeing the child as good. Good because they are an image of God. Good because they have a free will to choose how their behavior is displayed. Good because they are not their behavior in this moment. Good because I don't have to control them. Good because they see me as having their best interest in mind.
Here's a little honesty for you. I am a selfish person. I really want my own time in the morning. Time to say hello to Jesus. Listen to the birds from the back porch or front window. Read a little. But God knew this about me so he gave me children. Six years ago he blessed me (see my attitude changing) with a boy who loves to get up early. EVERYDAY. No matter what time I put him down, he's always up at 5 or 5:30. So instead of seeing it as trouble, I continue to learn to embrace it. (It has only taken me 6 years) Today I made blueberry pancakes with him. I tried to savor this time as special. It's not everyday that you make pancakes with blueberries you picked together. Now as I type this he is freely cutting and stapling paper in our sun room right next to me. Last year when he was 4, I taught him how to start the coffee pot in the morning. He was so pleased to bring me a cup of coffee as we read aloud together so early in the morning.
At least six years ago, my husband and I brought together four other couples to read this book. We all came from a Christian background, but all practiced our faiths in different ways. It was great to read this together! I was so challenged!
And because two babies coming into this world required much of my time this week, I'm going to post this as part 1 for now... more soon!